Timeline Season 5
*Chirp* “Dean, are you okay?” a familiar voice says.
Dean opens his eyes, looking up at familiar blue eyes, and also not-so-familiar colors swirling in his peripheral vision.
“Ugh,” Dean groans, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. He opens his eyes again, and it’s only years and years of training and time in Hell that keep him from screaming when he sees it.
“Are you okay?” *Chirp, click* Castiel says again.
At least that’s what Dean heard. “I think I hit my head,” Dean says, watching as colors shimmer in and out of his field of vision. He can’t pinpoint them, because every time he tries, they’re not where he’s focused. Instead they’re just off to the side in his peripheral vision.
*Grunt, hiss* “Does your head hurt?” Cas asks, concern in his tone of voice.
“Uhm, it hurts a little, but I’ll be fine,” Dean lies. His head doesn’t hurt, but he wants to blame any odd behavior on a concussion when Cas sees him trying to watch the shimmers.
*Hiss* “Is anything broken?” Cas asks, running his fingers over Dean’s scalp.
Dean tries to wave Cas’ hands away, but when Cas is concerned over an injury, there’s no stopping him, so Dean gives up.
“I don’t feel anything moving funny, so nothing’s broken. I’m fine, Cas,” Dean reassures him with a smile.
*Hnnn* “Let me help you up,” Castiel says, then holds out his hand, which has a vague shimmering shadow around it.
Dean stares at Cas’ hand for a moment. Now that Cas’ hand is still, the shimmer is gone, and Dean’s chest tightens. It must be a concussion and he’s got trailing. Shit. If he tells Cas, he’ll be stuck on concussion watch for the next 24 hours. Concussion watch sucks, and it also means no sex. Because Cas is ridiculous like that.
*Chirp, uhn* “Dean?” Cas says, concern creeping into his tone again.
Dean looks up at Cas and sees that Cas’ irides are flecked with yellow bits of what can only be described as light. They don’t move. It’s as if someone took little slivers of the sun and dusted Castiel’s iris with them.
Dean smiles. “I’m okay,” he says, then grabs Cas’ hand, the two of them getting him upright. When Dean’s head doesn’t spin once he’s standing, he knows it isn’t a concussion. “So, uh, what happened?”
Cas looks around the room, which is now destroyed, Dean sees. There’s an odd green hue to the entire room. The walls and every surface in the room almost appear to be glowing green, and Dean chuckles.
“Looks like we got transported to Oa,” Dean says, scuffing the floor with his shoe and watching as the green haze slides around his shoe.
*Snick* “Oa?” Cas asks, tiling his head to the side.
“Nevermind,” Dean says, walking over to the overturned table.
He really should say something about the noises he’s hearing. There’s something natural about them, and that in and of itself should be alarming, but he’s keeping his cool.
“The witch was working with powerful dark magics,” Cas says, and it sounds as if he’s walking over to the window. “When we walked in, something happened. I don’t know why her power fluctuated and imploded *hnnn* but there may have been something in this room warding her from angels.”
“And it didn’t work quite right because you’re not all full up on grace?” Dean asks, running his finger over a broken lamp resting against an overturned chair. The green haze slithers around his finger.
*Hiss* “I would assume so,” Cas says.
Dean really doesn’t know what to think of the noises he’s hearing, and it’s freaking him out. He’s really hoping there was something in the room that’s messing with him a little, and that it’ll go away soon.
*Snick* “I felt a large surge of power as we walked over the property *snick* line, then again when we came up the stairs,” Cas says, and Dean knows Cas is working through things in his head, trying to figure out what happened.
“You weren’t hurt, were you?” Dean asks, turning around as he realizes he never asked.
*Hnnn, uhn* “No, I’m fine,” he replies.
The more Dean walks around the destroyed room, the more he realizes the noises aren’t coming from just anywhere. They’re coming from Cas.
Dean walks over to the spot where the witch had set up an alter and was working on something. “Is she just gone?” he asks, a little amazed that it seemed she just poofed out of existence.
*Bleat* “It appears so,” Cas says, and now that he’s turned toward Dean, Dean sees a bit of a smirk on Cas’ lips. “Along with all her paraphernalia.”
Dean snorts. “Paraphernalia,” he says, chuckling. “That always sounds dirty.”
*Cuh* “As you’ve mentioned before,” Cas says, though Dean can tell Cas is amused by it.
Dean’s phone vibrates in his pocket and he pulls it out. “Sam wants to know if we lived,” he informs Cas. “I’m gonna tell him we’ll be back to the motel in about an hour.”
*Eh, whistle* “Ask Sam to get us dinner from the restaurant across the street,” Cas says. “We’ll *uhn* perform a quick search of the house for anything else we need to take care of, then we can leave.”
Dean freezes. That was quite a different noise at the beginning of what Cas had said. It sounded different than anything from Cas so far. Dean forms a quick theory in his head, one that he’d never share with anyone else because it sounds insane, but he’s got a head injury, damn it. He decides he needs to test his theory.
“I’ll tell Sam we’re bringing home a power ring,” Dean says, looking down at his phone, but keeping Cas in his peripheral vision to see his reaction.
*Snick* “Why would we do that?” Cas asks, his head tilting.
Bingo. Cas made the same noise both times Dean made pop culture references that went over Cas’ head. Dean feels a sense of accomplishment, followed by a short bout of freaking out. He decides to ignore it. Okay, so Cas is making noises Dean’s never heard outside the animal kingdom. That’s okay. He’s still not panicking.
“No reason, Cas,” Dean says, sending his text to Sam, adding that he wants Sam to get the same meal Cas had last night because Cas really, really liked it. “Let’s sweep the house and get outta here.”
*Coo* “I’ll sweep this floor,” Cas announces.
“Okay,” Dean says, then heads out of the room.
Dean checks out all the first-floor rooms, including the kitchen. He doesn’t find anything of interest, which doesn’t seem all that odd. If you want to fit in with the neighbors and have people over for dinner, you don’t want your hex bags, talismans, and alter sitting out where company can see them.
*Trill, uhn* “Dean!” Cas calls.
“Yeah?” Dean answers, flinching from the loud noise in the very quiet house.
*Uhn* “I’m done,” Cas informs him as he walks into the kitchen.
“Let’s go,” he says, smiling at Cas and smacking Cas’ ass as he walks by on his way to the front door.
Dean chuckles, then considers the possibility that something in the house affected Cas instead of him. There was a witch implosion. That doesn’t happen all that often, though Dean wishes it would happen every time they had to deal with a witch. It was messy, but not that bad, and nobody got hurt.
He’s concerned over the noises, but not enough to mention anything to Cas. Cas seems okay, and Dean will keep an eye on him just in case it’s Cas that got hit by something and not Dean.
By the time they get to the motel, Dean’s having a hard time not laughing hysterically. Cas is usually quiet when they’re in the car, but this time there was near constant noise coming from him. It wasn’t loud like when Cas was looking for Dean and found him in the kitchen. It’s soft and subtle, and it’s totally adorable.
Dean tries to categorize the noises, because if animals make certain noises for certain reasons, surely Cas is doing the same, right?
When Dean had started the car and Cas settled down in his seat, Dean heard *mmm.* When Dean reached over to grab a hold of Cas’ left hand, like he usually does when they’re going to be in the car for more than just a few minutes, Dean heard *uhn, mmm.*
When Dean told a joke, which was really stupid, but he’d told it because he knew it would make Cas laugh, Dean heard *cuh.* When Dean grumbled about another car cutting them off in traffic, Dean heard *grrr.*
And the best one yet was when Dean turned and smiled at Cas, that smile that Dean just knows melts Cas’ heart because Dean throws all his affection into it, Dean heard *purr, uhn.*
As he walks through the motel room door, Dean smells dinner waiting for them, and he sees Sam sitting at the table, pulling the food containers out of the bag.
*Eh, whistle, hnnn, eh*
Dean freezes for a moment, not having heard a full string of noises that long out of Cas as of yet. He looks at Sam, but Sam is still getting their food out of the bags. Okay, so either Dean’s the only one that can hear the noises or the noises are all in Dean’s head to begin with. Awesome.
“Great timing,” Sam says with a smile. “I just got back with the food, so it’s hot.”
*Eh, whistle, hnnn*
Dean snorts, and when Sam looks up at him with a raised eyebrow, Dean waves it off and sits down. “I’m starving! Let’s eat,” he says, grabbing a plastic fork and stabbing at his beef tips in gravy.
*Mmm, eh* “Thank you, Sam,” Cas says, sitting down and picking up a fork.
“No problem,” Sam says, opening up his can of flavored tea.
*Squeak, eh* “You ordered the Reuben on Texas toast,” Cas says happily after opening his container.
“Yeah,” Sam says, grinning at Cas. “You seemed to really like it, so Dean asked me to get it for you again.”
*Squeak, mmm, uhn*
Dean smiles at Cas, who is looking at him with that adorable mix of surprise and affection. Cas brushes his fingers against Dean’s right leg.
“Thank you,” Cas says. *Mmm, uhn*
Dean shoves a forkful of beef tips and gravy into his mouth and winks at Cas. Dean’s always been good at the little things. He knows it’s the little things that make or break a relationship, even if he’s never had an overly long-term relationship.
He wants this one to last. He knows he needs to treat Cas right. If that means doing little things like noticing when Cas enjoys a meal and getting it for him again, Dean’s sure as hell going to do it.
“So Dean told me the witch did an implosion thing,” Sam says, prodding Cas for info.
*Cuh* “Yes. She did,” Cas says. “I felt power when we arrived, and even stronger power as we entered the room. Something must have gone wrong, because once both Dean and I were in the room with her, she imploded, sending out a wave of power, knocking us both down to the floor. When I sat up, her alter was destroyed, her paraphernalia had vanished, and the magics were disintegrating into the surfaces of the room.”
“Paraphernalia,” Dean mumbles through a mouthful of food.
*Cuh, uhn* “Dean likes that word,” Cas says to Sam.
“Yeah, I know,” Sam says, rolling his eyes.
“So wait,” Dean says. “The green shit was the magic disintegrating?”
“Yes,” Cas says. *Snick* “I didn’t think you’d be able to see it, but it must have been strong enough to be visible to human eyes.” *mmm*
Dean feels his stomach clench. If the noises he’s been hearing out of Cas weren’t enough to tell him something was up, the fact that he was able to see dark magic that he shouldn’t have been able to see definitely was.
“I’m gonna shower,” Dean says after they’ve finished dinner and cleaned up. “Care to join me?” he asks Cas with a grin.
*Coo, uhn* Castiel smiles as he heads toward Dean, already pulling his clothes off as he walks through the room.
“I’m gonna check out the Wi-Fi at the bar next door,” Sam says as he grabs his laptop.
Sam’s an awesome brother. They live in motel rooms, and Sam could be teasing Dean mercilessly over his relationship with Cas, but he doesn’t. And Sam’s great about it. He happily gives them time alone. Dean knows Sam’s thrilled about it, and Dean’s grateful Sam doesn’t get all mushy about it, which Sam could easily do.
Dean turns the water on, getting the temperature right, and by the time he turns around to get his clothes off, Cas is naked. As Dean undresses he hears a rumbling noise come from Cas. It’s not a purr, not a growl. It’s definitely a rumbling.
*Rumble, uhn, rumble*
Dean slows down as he reaches for his jeans. He slowly opens the buttons on his jeans, watching Cas’ eyes flit down and focus on Dean’s hands.
*Rumble, mmm, rumble*
He makes a show out of it, turning so Cas sees a side profile of him, slowly pushing his jeans and underwear down, then bending over and turning more so Cas gets a good view of his ass.
Dean’s trying really hard not to laugh. It’s just so fucking adorable. He’s already recognizing the noises and is matching up some of them with emotions and ideas he guesses fit.
Cas hasn’t made the eh noise since Sam left, and he didn’t make it in the car. He’s fairly sure it’s a noise associated with Sam now.
Cas also hasn’t made the chirping noise since he was concerned over Dean’s injuries in the witch’s house. Dean doesn’t know if that noise is associated with being scared or a noise of concern, but it’s in that general area.
He’d figured out back at the house that *snick* meant Cas was confused about something, and that the coughing noise came whenever Cas probably would have laughed had he been human.
The rumbling is new, and Dean really hopes it’s because Cas is turned on, because it’s a constant noise now, and Cas even continues the noise when he speaks. Dean assumes the noises are coming from someplace other than Cas’ mouth or else he wouldn’t be able to talk when he makes them.
Dean steps out of his pants and underwear, then gets into the shower, pulling Cas in with him. They get under the spray of water, and Dean wraps his arms around Cas’ waist.
*Mmm, uhn* Castiel leans in and kisses Dean. *Rumble, mmm, rumble*
As soon as Cas deepens the kiss, Dean forgets about the noises ever being funny. The rumble coming from Cas gets a little louder and starts to take on a staccato effect. Dean assumes that’s a good thing because Cas’ dick is hard and poking into him, Cas’ arms are pulling him in closer, and his tongue is pushing into Dean’s mouth.
Dean moans into the kiss, and he’s surprised when Cas makes a similar noise of *mmm.* He’s heard it before, and suddenly Dean wonders if the noises he makes mean something to Cas other than the obvious. What if this whole time he and Sam have been around the angel, the noises they’ve made every day have meaning like words?
The thought thrills Dean. He wants to ask, but he doesn’t know if this is something he’s supposed to be hearing. He doesn’t want to upset Cas, and he doesn’t want this blown out of proportion. He also doesn’t want it fixed. He’s loving this.
Cas’ rumbling stutters when Dean wraps his hand around Cas’ dick. He reaches around behind Cas with his other hand and grabs Cas’ ass cheek. Cas pulls back from the kiss, his eyes dark with arousal and those beautiful flecks of sunlight shining.
Dean hears Cas grab the tube of lube from the shelf in the shower and flick it open. He grins at Cas and pokes Cas with his own very hard dick.
“Fuck me, Cas,” Dean says, knowing Cas likes dirty talk. “Fuck me so hard I come all over the shower tiles, then make me lick it up.”
*Mmm, uhn, rumble* Cas’ eyes fall closed for a moment as he lets the words sink in.
Cas turns them both, pushing Dean face first against the wall of the shower, wrapping his left arm around Dean’s waist to hold onto him. He shoves a slick finger inside Dean, making Dean moan happily.
Cas nuzzles Dean’s neck. *Dook*
Another new noise. Dean has no idea what it means, but Cas is very gently mouthing and kissing at his neck as he pushes a second finger inside him.
“C’mon, Cas. I’m ready. Fuck me. Please fuck me,” Dean says, spreading his legs and pushing his ass out at Cas.
The rumble gets louder than ever and Cas pulls his fingers out of Dean. Then Dean feels Cas’ hard cock pushing in. He groans and pushes back, trying to get Cas in faster.
Once Cas has bottomed out, he wraps his other arm around Dean, this one around Dean’s upper chest so he can play with Dean’s nipple.
*Rumble, uhn, mmm*
Dean doesn’t know why, but the noises seem to be doing something for him. Now that Dean’s sure it’s a language all by itself, and now that he’s understanding a few of them, he’s seeing a side of Cas he’s never seen before. He wants more. He feels it inside him in a way he doesn’t think is normal, but he doesn’t care. He needs more.
“Love you so much, Cas,” Dean breathes as Cas fucks him.
*Dook, uhn* “Love you, Dean,” Cas says, then continues nibbling and kissing Dean’s neck and shoulder.
Dean’s chest tightens, and he feels a swell of happiness and contentment. Not only because of the words Cas just said, but because he really thinks Cas just translated his own noises for Dean. Dean doesn’t think Cas knows he can hear them, but Dean’s heard the *uhn* enough that he’s certain it has something to do with him, and now that Cas has said his name just after using that noise, Dean’s certain it’s his name or at least it refers to him.
Dean gasps, his chest so tight that he wonders if Cas will think he’s upset. He’s not upset. This is opening up another world to him. Dean’s brain spins with information he’s learned over his lifetime. If animals communicate by noises like this, why can’t angels?
He knows it’s not audible to Sam, and Cas did say they shared a profound bond. Dean feels a thrill of excitement as he realizes whatever happened when they stepped into that room took everything to the next level.
The lights and shimmering he saw had to be a small glimpse of Castiel’s true form. The noises have to be a part of how Cas communicates in his true form. The fact that Dean can see that, can hear that has to mean something huge.
He thinks of the handprint. The bond Cas has mentioned. Cas’ diminishing grace. The flash of power in the room that only happened when the both of them were next to each other. The magics disintegrating all over the room after the implosion.
They’re linked. They’re bonded. Whatever it was in that room, it’s boosted whatever it is they already had, and the power behind it was enough to destroy a room, yet the two of them were fine. He doesn’t know if Cas protected them somehow, but he thinks maybe it never would’ve hurt them in the first place, because it bound them in a way that they never would’ve been unless something immensely powerful had a hand in it.
“Cas, fuck, Cas! Fuck me!” Dean yells, feeling a swell of emotion and excitement that Cas has to be able to feel.
“Dean,” Cas says into Dean’s skin. *Dook*
It’s love. He’s fucking telling Dean he loves him in a language no other humans have ever heard. Dean is at once humbled and turned on, filled with so much love that he feels as if he’ll burst. This is better than the Enochian Cas has recited poetry in. This is Cas’ true self speaking to him.
Dean doesn’t care if the noises sound like an animal. No way in hell would he ever find them funny ever again.
The rumbling turns into a whine, and Cas starts fucking him faster and harder. Dean pushes back in time with Cas’ thrusts, using his hands on the tile to give him more power to his movements.
“Cas! Cas! Oh, fuck, Cas! Cas!” Dean screams, his body tensing as he comes all over the wall of the shower.
*Squeak, uhn, wheek*
“Cas,” Dean breathes, letting his head rest on the tile, looking down at his come dripping down the tiles, realizing he just came without either of them ever touching his dick. “Mmm, yeah, come for me, Cas,” he moans.
“Dean,” Cas says, his voice scratchy and deeper than normal. *Mmm, uhn*
“C’mon, Cas. Come inside me. Wanna feel it leaking outta me,” Dean groans.
“Oh! D-Dean!” Cas yells. *Uhn*
The noise is so loud that Dean hears the window in the bathroom rattle, but it doesn’t hurt his ears. Dean realizes he’s heard windows and glass rattling before when they’ve had sex, but he’s always assumed it was Cas’ power that was doing it. He never knew it was Cas’ true voice causing it as he made noises for Dean, telling him he loved him, calling his name in a voice Dean never heard before.
He feels Cas coming inside him, Cas slamming into him with his arms wrapped tightly around Dean’s chest.
“Yeah, Cas, yeah,” Dean moans, smiling as he feels Cas slowing down, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder.
Cas kisses Dean’s skin, his head still resting on Dean, his hands sliding over Dean’s body, and a purring sound coming from deep within him.
Dean decides then and there that he wants to find out what every noise means. He wants to hear every single one of them. He wants to make Cas scream his name in his own language and purr. He wants to learn what noises mean Cas is upset so he can see what’s wrong. He wants to learn what sound Cas makes when he’s scared, so he can kill anything that threatens Cas.
He wants to tease the shit outta Sam because Cas’ noise for Sam sounds a little whiny.
Dean wakes up with a smile on his face. He knows one of those noises means his name. He’s not quite sure what the other one means, but considering each time Cas has made that noise, he’s been kissing and nuzzling at Dean, Dean decides to call it his snuggling noise.
“Hey, Cas,” Dean says, his voice deep and scratchy from a good night’s rest.
*Eh, wheek* “Sam left us alone again,” Cas says, wrapping his arms around Dean from behind. *Rumble*
Dean chuckles. He decides the rumbling has to mean that Cas is sexually aroused. It didn’t start until Cas mentioned that Sam was gone, and last night in the shower it didn’t start until they were definitely about to have sex.
“My brother’s awesome like that,” Dean says.
*Hic, eh* “He is,” Cas says.
Another new noise. It has something to do with Sam because he used Sam’s noise, and Dean assumes it’s good because he Sam left for them to have time together. Could it be appreciation? Maybe it’s affection.
*Wheek, uhn* “I’d like to fuck you,” Cas says. *Rumble*
“Mmm, yeah, Cas,” Dean says, purposely moaning at Cas. He’s not sure, but he thinks the moan has something to do with happiness or being comfortable.
*Wheek, rumble* “Yes,” Cas says, moving so fast that Dean can’t follow.
One second Dean’s the little spoon, and the next instant he’s on his back with a very horny Castiel looking down at him, the flecks of light in his irides shining. Dean gets lost in Cas’ eyes for a moment. He smiles up at Cas when he realizes Cas is just watching him back.
*Mmm, uhn* “You’re beautiful,” Cas says softly.
Dean usually has a hard time accepting compliments, and he kind of loves how Cas sneaks them in while they’re close like this because Dean’s defenses are down.
“I love you too, Cas,” Dean says, blurting it out before he thinks about it, then hoping Cas thinks it’s just a spontaneous declaration of love instead of an answer to Cas’ noises.
Cas just smiles down at Dean. *Purr*
“Got lube?” Dean asks, raising one eyebrow.
*Rumble* Cas smirks as he shoves a lubed finger inside Dean.
“I take it that’s a yes on the lube,” Dean says, spreading his legs more, moaning as Cas quickly adds a second finger.
Cas leans down and kisses Dean, pushing a third finger into him. *Uhn, snuffle*
Dean loves kissing Cas. Cas puts his all into a kiss, even when he’s doing other things to Dean’s body. He enjoys feeling like the center of Cas’ universe, which is how Cas treats him when they’re together.
Dean’s always treated his sexual partners well, but that hasn’t always been reciprocal. Not that people have treated Dean like shit, but he’s never had someone put their all into him like this.
*Uhn, rumble* Cas pulls his finger out and pushes his cock inside Dean.
Dean’s surprised by the urgency with which Cas pushes into him, but he likes it. He gasps and wraps his legs around Cas, hanging on for the ride, because he knows Cas is going to fuck him hard and fast.
*Wheek, mmm* Cas wraps his arms around Dean, his body blanketing Dean as he fucks him so Dean’s dick gets friction as they move.
“Mmm, yeah, Cas,” Dean says, wrapping his own arms around Cas and kissing Cas’ left temple. “C’mon, fuck me. Mmm.”
*Snuffle, wheek* “I’d like to make you come without either of us touching your cock again,” Cas says. “It doesn’t have to be now, but I enjoyed when that happened in the shower, and I’d like to do it again.” *Mmm, purr*
Dean chuckles. “I enjoyed it a lot myself. Does getting off on rubbing my cock all over your stomach count as touching?” he asks, writhing beneath Cas to try and get even more friction.
“Mmmyes,” Cas says, and Dean is surprised that the word and Cas’ noise melded together the way they did.
Dean hasn’t heard the noises doing that before. Come to think of it, Cas’ voice sounded different when he said yes. It was deeper. No, not deeper. It was if it was in surround sound. Everywhere around him and even inside of him.
His body tenses as he realizes the only other time he’s felt that sensation was when he was in the gas station just after crawling out of his own grave. It’s Cas’ true voice, and it wasn’t overwhelming. It was subtle, but it was definitely the same sensation, and it’s not hurting his ears.
Dean smiles. He can’t help it. He’s so fucking happy that he’s grinning like an idiot. Cas sits up, a rumbling noise going through the both of them, filling up the room and all of Dean’s senses. Dean looks up at Cas and yelps, his eyes wide and his breath catching in his throat.
Cas instantly stops fucking Dean. *Chirp, click, uhn* “Are you okay?” Cas asks.
Dean fully understands both Cas’ words and the sounds this time. He knows for a fact the chirp was fear and concern. He completely grasps the entire meaning of the click. It’s not just being inquisitive, but there are other emotions in there like some concern, a little bit of alarm, and there’s a hint of love in there as well.
And Dean knows the real meaning of what he thought was his name. It’s not simply his name, although that’s a part of it.
*Uhn* encompasses mate, lover, soul bond, and owner of Castiel’s emotional and figurative heart, and it’s all tied to the root meaning of his real name, which is valley, and it even includes more subtle hints of hunter, protector, and older brother as if those swirl around his name, yet are connected.
Without even hearing it again, Dean knows *eh* means so much more than Sam’s name. It’s darkness, triumphant light, warrior, brother, loved one, knowledge, balance, seeker, wanderer, strength, brother-in-arms, and a kind of love that encompasses everything but a sexual aspect.
Dean’s speechless. He knows Cas is concerned, but he can’t tell him why he’s so blown away. He can’t tell him it’s because he truly understands what Cas is saying now, and he certainly can’t tell him it’s because he can see Cas’ wings.
They’re so beautiful that Dean’s eyes well up with tears. He’s never seen anything so breathtaking, so amazing, so strong. He never wants to stop looking at them.
*Grunt, uhn, chirp* “Breathe,” Cas commands in his true voice.
Dean takes in a gulp of air, coughing when his chest stutters with the effort. “Oh, Cas, fuck!” he breathes.
He knows now that *grunt* is a mothering noise. One Cas uses just for Dean, and it’s so much more than mothering. It’s caring, concern, well-being, healing tinged with love.
Now that Dean is breathing, he’s hyperventilating. The wings are swirling about the room, and that isn’t even the right term for what they’re doing, but Dean can’t come up with a better way of describing the fractionated groups of light roving about that are making up Cas’ wings.
They scream of power and justice and righteous vengeance, and they’re singing of it as well. Dean can hear them. It’s the most beautiful thing Dean has ever heard.
They’re dark and look like feathers, but at the same time they’re light and sound and fire and crackling of ozone, and Dean’s mind can’t even comprehend how such a thing is possible.
“Humans weren’t meant to have this ability,” Cas says.
The noises Cas has been making ever since they woke up in the witch’s room are no longer there, and Dean immediately misses them. He craves them. He wants them back. He’d do anything to have them.
Cas reaches up, his fingers moving toward Dean’s forehead. Dean already knows Cas is going to knock him out.
“No! Wait! Don’t take it away!” Dean screams, trying to push Cas’ hand away, but he can’t, and then all he knows is darkness.
Dean wakes up slowly. It’s so gradual that he feels like he’s pulling himself through mud. He remembers what happened, but it’s a gradual remembrance. It doesn’t come flooding in. It’s not overwhelming.
The memories aren’t scattered or out of order. It’s just as if they’re slowly brightening, a sun coming up over a distant horizon.
He tries to open his eyes, but he can’t move. He’s not scared. He knows Cas is there. He feels him. He also hears a noise that resonates throughout his body and mind. It’s a humming noise, and it means calm and safe and loved and protected.
Dean knows Cas is keeping him in this state of mind. It’s for his own protection. Like Cas said, a human wasn’t built for this. But Dean isn’t a normal human. He wasn’t so normal to begin with, but he’s died, more than once. He’s spent forty years in Hell. He’s in love with an angel. He’s bound to an angel in a more permanent and tremendous way than he’d ever dreamed.
Cas is in his head, in his heart, in the very cells that make up Dean’s body, and Dean can feel him there. He knows what Cas is doing, and he could never express how much he appreciates it. He could never repay Cas for this.
“The flash of power in the witch’s house was a mix of dark and light magics, but it also involved the grace of another fallen angel,” Cas says, filling Dean’s body with the words he’s speaking.
Dean pushes his love and appreciation toward Cas, knowing Cas feels it. He tries to speak, but his body won’t cooperate, and his brain doesn’t seem to have the ability to speak the way Cas is speaking to him. Cas can read his mind, though, so Dean figures Cas knows.
“The combined powers were too much for the witch to handle. They amassed and pushed her out of existence. You would’ve been killed had you not been bound to an angel,” Cas explains.
Dean’s eyes open, and he thinks he’s the one that forced them open, but he’s also fairly certain he’d been trying to the whole time to open them and wasn’t able to. Cas is lying down next to Dean in the bed. They’re face-to-face, and Dean breathes a sigh of relief when he sees the flecks of light in Cas’ eyes.
“I didn’t realize it at the time, but I would’ve known had my grace been at full power. It was only when you reacted to seeing my wings that I knew what had happened. I apologize for putting the whammy on you,” Cas says with a grin, knowing Dean will be amused by his choice of words. “If I would’ve let you continue, your mind would’ve broken.”
“What did you do?” Dean asks, and he knows his words are slurred, but he hopes it gets the message across to Cas.
“I gave you some of my grace,” Cas replies.
“Cas! You didn’t have to–,” Dean starts, but a finger over his lips stops him.
“I’m fine without it, and if it means that much to you that you’re able to see and hear these parts of me, then it’s worth giving up,” Cas says, running his fingers over Dean’s skin.
“You don’t have to. I can live without it,” Dean says, concerned for Cas because of his already-dwindling grace. “I mean, I really like it, but I can’t take that from you.”
“You didn’t take it. I gave it to you of my own free will,” Cas says.
Dean feels a soft push of an emotion connected to ‘I wouldn’t have known the pleasure of free will without you’ coming through whatever connection he and Cas have.
Dean’s chest hurts. He wants to fix Cas so badly it hurts. “How can you give me a part of something that’s…,” he trails off. He can’t bring himself to say Cas’ grace is dying away.
“I would’ve given it to you anyway,” Cas says, his fingers running through Dean’s short hair and over Dean’s scalp in an intimate gesture, “but something else happened when we walked into that room. Something we need to talk about because you need to know the whole truth.”
Dean thinks he should feel scared, upset, or even a hint of worry, but he doesn’t. It might be Cas keeping him calm, but he doesn’t think so. He knows Cas isn’t upset over what he wants to tell Dean. In fact, Cas seems excited. That makes everything okay. Dean knows it.
“What is it, Cas?” Dean asks.
“The connection we shared before going into that room was fairly strong,” Cas explains, and Dean can feel the sense of wonder and happiness coming from Cas. “When the combined powers and magics met, my grace flared, and it sought out my mate.”
Dean’s eyes widen. He learned that part of his own name in Cas’ language meant mate, but he hadn’t realized Cas already viewed him as that.
“It fully bonded with your soul because both of us were willing and we already shared the connection that had been building ever since I pulled you from Hell,” Cas says softly.
Dean can feel a small bit of anxious uncertainty coming from Cas, and he knows it’s because Dean hasn’t said anything yet. Cas could easily read his mind, but Dean knows even now Cas is respecting his wishes and keeping out of Dean’s head. He can’t speak. He’s working his way through everything Cas has said so far, and he has so many questions, but he can’t bring himself to say anything.
Instead he pushes reassurance through to Cas, and Cas immediately stops feeling anxiously uncertain. Dean pushes some love and encouragement through to Cas, thrilled over the ability to do so. Cas grins, and it’s so adorable that Dean smiles back.
“I’m keeping the connection down to a minimum right now,” Cas says. “Now that I know what’s going on, I can open it gradually so your mind can adapt and cope with it all. If I would’ve known, I would never have let that happen, Dean.”
Dean snorts. “I was scared you’d take it away from me,” he says, his voice getting a little stronger.
“I’d like you to be honest with me in the future,” Cas says, a very small amount of power behind his voice, but enough to let Dean know Cas is extremely serious.
Dean wants to say he’ll promise to never lie or hide things from Cas ever again, but he has a feeling it would be a promise he’d break. He doesn’t like that part of him, but it’s true.
“Is this going to make you lose your grace faster?” Dean asks, his stomach clenching even as he says it.
“That would be the other part of what has happened since we walked into the room,” Cas says, a spike of excitement coming from him. “Because my grace connected and bonded itself to your soul, my grace is growing stronger. I didn’t realize it until you saw my wings. It’s a slow process, but when you saw my wings, your soul pushed a spike of power into my grace.”
Dean’s jaw drops, and he gapes at Cas for a few moments. “I’m fixing your grace?” he asks, his voice breathy in a way that Sam would tease him about if he were here.
“Yes,” Cas says. “Souls hold an enormous amount of energy, and I could’ve used your soul at any time as a boost, but I would never do that to you, especially without your knowledge.”
Dean frowns. “I would’ve given it to you,” he says, feeling an ache, knowing he could’ve helped Castiel, but Castiel never gave him the opportunity.
“I know you would’ve,” Cas says softly, squeezing Dean’s shoulder. “But the way I would’ve had to go about it before wouldn’t have been pleasant, it would’ve weakened you, and it doesn’t last. The way my grace is connected to your soul now, we feed off each other in a way, both of us building the other up rather than one draining the other.”
“Is this permanent?” Dean asks.
“No one but us can break it, and even then it’s not easy,” Cas says.
Dean feels a small spike of fear from Cas, and Dean matches it with one of his own. Neither of them want to break the bond, and they both realize it at the same time.
Dean moves forward, pushing his face between Cas’ neck and shoulder. “I can have this? We can have this?” he asks.
“Yes,” Cas says, then kisses Dean’s head.
“How long will it take for me to be able to handle everything?” Dean asks, wanting everything now even if he knows his mind and body can’t take it.
“I have no way of knowing,” Cas says, and Dean lets out a groan of frustration. “Is there something in particular you’d like me to open up to you first?”
Dean huffs into Cas’ shoulder. “I want it all. I want every bit of you. But if I have to choose, I’d really like to be able to hear the noises you make,” Dean requests.
Dean gasps as he feels the connection they have pull back to the point where he doesn’t feel anything from Castiel. He digs his fingers into Cas’ arm.
“You’ll get that part of the connection back again in time,” Cas says, and Dean knows he’s talking about the emotional connection. *Coo, nih*
Dean lets out a bark of laughter. It’s not funny, but the relief he feels at hearing Cas’ noises pushed it out of him.
“I wanna learn what all of those mean,” Dean says.
“You will,” Cas says. *Nih* “You know that each sound has layers of meanings from when we were connected before, but until that connection is opened more again, ask me and I’ll tell you anything you want to know.
“*Uhn* is my name, I realize that now, but what does *dook* mean?” Dean asks, though he’s already pretty sure. He wants to hear it.
Cas squeezes him closer. “It means all forms of love, devotion, affection, and that I care for you with everything that I am.”
“It’s way more awesome than saying I love you,” Dean says with a goofy grin.
“Humans don’t have the capacity to form and use a language as complex as what angels use, but whenever you say you love me, I know it means more than the words,” Cas says.
Dean feels emotion swell in his chest. “I do love you,” he says.
*Purr* “And I you,” Cas replies.
Dean chuckles. “Can I call you my Kitty Cas?”
*Cuh* “You may call me whatever you wish,” he says.
Dean flat out refuses to giggle like a girl, holding it in with sheer will, but instead he chuckles and snuggles in closer to Cas.
“Thank you for letting me have this,” Dean whispers as he closes his eyes.
Dean’s eyes open again. That one was new. He’s got to start writing these down. He grins and closes his eyes again, listening to Cas purring.