And I really would like to distract myself, but if I whine about it first, that should help a little so here goes.
I’m going to put it under a cut because it’s really long and there’s ISSUES under there that not everybody would want to read.
5. the one slightly bright note about this day
after Charlie and Marissa left, my mom and I were talking about what
we’d like done about the shop situation, and we’re usually in agreement.
We were joking about just saying “we’re done” and walking away, letting
Charlie and Marissa try to take it over. They’d fall flat on their face
because they don’t know how to run the POS, all the connections with
distributors are mine, and even if I gave them the passwords and all the
info I currently have, they wouldn’t be able to learn it all before
they ran the business into the ground.
I smiled and said that
would be a relief. To just walk away and tell them they can’t call me
for help or anything. Then I mentioned how beautiful Montana is. How the
cost of living is cheaper there. How we could get a big gorgeous house
for half the price of our current house.
My mom got a grin on her face and said, “So why don’t we do it?”
I was like BWUH?!
shrugged. “Why not? Your dad would probably be up for it. The three of
us don’t like this city anyway. I mean we’d really miss our house
because we love it, but wouldn’t it be worth it to be rid of the rest of
I’ve never heard her talk like that before. I always
assumed if I moved away, it would have to be alone because there’s no
way in hell my mom and dad would ever think of moving, which also keeps
me here because I feel obligated to take care of them. All three of us
moving means I can still take care of them.
I still couldn’t
believe she was serious, but she was like “No, really. What would we
have to do here before you’d feel comfortable to move?”
I said I
want the money from the sale of the shop, And she asked how much I
thought I could get for it. I told her an amount, but that it would be
ten times that amount if we finished the construction, got the online
store + shipping up and running, and opened a small second store on the
other side of town – not including another tattoo shop, just a small
place for a second supply shop.
“And that’s all we have to do to
get TEN TIMES more for the place?” she asked. When I said I’m pretty
sure, she shrugged again and said, “So we should work toward that.”
don’t know if she’ll change her mind tomorrow, but she’s not a flighty
type of person. She doesn’t say stuff like that lightly.
of the mental issues, I have a hard time imagining a future different
than what I’ve got. I tend to live in the now, and if something is
awful, I can’t see a way out of it. It’s always been like that despite
my family trying to help me with it. But even a small sliver of hope
that this might not be what I have to deal with for the rest of my life
makes my chest feel just a little lighter.
Dunno if anything will come of it, but it’s a nice thing to fall asleep imagining instead of crying myself to sleep 🙂