doing a lot of damage control

I haven’t been around the last few days, and this would be why.

One of my distributors (the one I’m getting ALL my cartridges from) decided they were going to go out of business. That’s only 5 weeks after we called them, spoke to the owner on the phone for 45 minutes, and he reassured us he wasn’t going out of business and not to worry. Suddenly they’re gone and all the stuff I ordered isn’t coming and I’m scrambling trying to find a replacement product for something ALL my customers liked.

Cartridges are what the tattoo industry as a whole is switching to instead of needle/tube combos. So all my big-name customers and… well, pretty much everybody except for the scratchers (people who tattoo out of their homes and have little to no skills) have switched over to cartridges. I was already running low on supplies (including the cartridges) and was waiting for a shipment that’s never going to come. They also got me an AWESOME price on cleaning supplies, ink, and other stuff.

Any company I go to in finding a replacement for the cartridges is going to want me to plunk down anywhere from
$5000-$25,000 just to get started with them. If I don’t do it, I’m going
to go out of business myself.

Money is VERY tight right now because we had to put a new roof on one of the rentals my uncle owns (do you have any idea how much a new roof costs?!). He owns several houses, and renting them out is how he used to make his living, but for the last few years the houses cost more to maintain (mortgage + repairs) than he gets in rent checks, but he fights me on selling them off. He’s not a slumlord. In fact, his tenants love him because he lets them send in payments late, fixes their stuff IMMEDIATELY even in the middle of the night, and just gives them stuff because he’s an idiot. Like we’re made of money or something.

My uncle got sued and lost on a case where this guy who illegally represented himself as licensed and bonded (he wasn’t) ruined my uncle’s back yard and the city is actually getting involved. In order for the back yard to get fixed enough that the city gets off our backs, it’ll be at least $11,000 and probably more. As it is now, it keeps flooding and backing up into the loading dock area of a Frys grocery store behind him. The judge sided with the unlicensed asshole because technically the guy did the work, and the judge doesn’t care that the work was done AFTER we told him to stop because we realized how much he was fucking up the yard, but the guy waited until my uncle was gone for the day and broke into the backyard, finished up, and sent us the bill.

It’s been slow at the shop recently for some reason, and that always freaks me out because I worry there’s a rumor being spread about us or our customers have decided ordering online is easier or whatever. That means I have less income at the moment. November isn’t usually a slow month. Oh, and of course the guys have to freak out about it too, so I’m dealing with their drama queen stuff and trying to keep them calm and productive.

Andre is continuing his issues at school with not doing work or doing it and not turning it in. School started how long ago? And he was already failing this grade as of three weeks ago. To get him back on track, my mom is spending several hours a day working with him, which is exhausting her and causing more seizure issues. And of course Andre is fighting her every step of the way.

My dad’s sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, and to get better treatment, she needs to move. She wanted to move anyway, but this just makes it urgent. So my dad is going to drive to where she lives, pack her up, and move her and her daughter. My dad is 74 years old, has busted legs and heart issues, and he also brings money into the house, which means not only is he going to wear himself out helping a woman who has never done a damn thing for him or even bothered to ever call to ask how he’s doing even when he had his accident a few years ago, he’s also not going to be making any money during the move time. There’s a good chance she won’t even be grateful he’s doing it and she’ll belittle him and harass him the whole time.

Last but not least, my dog’s dead. Still. And all three of us (me, mom, dad) are
STILL having a hard time with this and we’re fighting the urge to run
out and get a new dog. I didn’t think we’d have a really hard time with
this, but damn all three of us are depressed over it!

I know people are waiting for the changes and announcements and such for @spncoldesthits, and I *will* get around to it. It’s just going to take a little time. Sorry guys!

hiiiii :)

Okay I’m doing a little better.

Mom had a seizure today, which means I have more free time on my day off today because she’s sleeping it off instead of having me run her around for errands 😀

I’ve got the CH numbers and will be posting the winner soon.

I’ve got a four-day weekend!! My family feels really bad about Aimee, so Marissa insisted on taking the shop Tuesday for me and Wednesday we’re closed for Halloween (NOBODY wants to get tattoos, piercings, or tattoo supplies on Halloween, so we always close for it). So YAY!!

Unfortunately, a few hours before I made the decision on Aimee, I ordered this little outfit on Amazon that was specifically made for Chihuahuas and was meant to calm her down (Wawas to me are like the neurodivergent of the dog world and I think that’s why I love them – they like either no touching or a good firm pressure-type of hold kinda like me). Good news on that is that my cousin Megan (Marissa’s daughter) has a Wawa about Aimee’s size and I’m going to give the outfit to her 😀  If Princess doesn’t like it, Ryan’s got Wawa too, so I can offer it to him.

I had Aimee for almost 17 years, so I’m still doing a lot of stuff with her in mind without even realizing it. I even made dinner for myself last night, preparing it the way SHE liked it and not even realizing until I sat down with the bowl that she wasn’t there to eat it with me. Of course I was still kinda high at the time. My parents keep forgetting too. My dad offered me his leftover fish – I hate fish 😛

Anyway, I’m feeling better. Not super awesome wonderful, but I’m here 🙂

ugh real life shit under the cut

Been feeling REALLY bad lately, but then this morning I finally decided to put my dog to sleep. Last night she was… yeah. Last night was not fun and neither of us were happy or enjoying things at all anymore. She just wasn’t happy anymore.

My dad’s already talking about getting a new dog, but the three of us agreed a couple years back that we’d wait 3 months before considering another dog.

We’ve ALWAYS had dogs. My parents each grew up with dogs, and I don’t remember a time when we didn’t have at least one dog, so it’ll be weird, but with everything we’ve got going on in our lives, I think we should try it for a while. Just to see if it reduces any stress – we were always thinking of her when we’d leave the house or think of going on vacations. All three of us always thinking of her and taking care of her because we hated to leave her alone.

I’m super busy with work stuff and shit my uncle has done regarding the shop and family stuff, so I don’t know if I’ll be on here later tonight.

But yeah. Aimee’s gone :,(

yes i’m hiding

cut for length

Friday morning I started having depression issues. I thought maybe it would get better with the whole gummy thing on Saturday night, but it only paused it for 24 hours.

They don’t normally do anything for my depression (schizophrenia doesn’t automatically include depression), but I thought maybe my psychosis was getting ready to flare and was causing some anxiety and depression, but since they didn’t work on the depression, I’m assuming I’m just in a shitty depression thing.

I’m being super emotional, which is really hard for me because I’m not normally a very emotional person – like tearing up at EVERYTHING. Music, of course, usually makes me emotional, but I’m talking TV commercials, stupid memes, etc.

I can’t find a reason for it, so I can’t do anything about it other than ride it out. And of course I always freak out wondering if this is my new “normal.”

As I’m writing this, things keep popping into my head. So I suppose I should’ve written it out sooner.

My dog isn’t doing well. I mean she’s been weird for like 3 years now. Dementia kind of a thing. She’s still in great shape physically (especially for a 16-year-old dog), but in the last six months it doesn’t even seem like she enjoys anything anymore and she’s doing things she’s never done before, like shitting in the house. A lot. So I’m thinking it’s time to put her down, but I hate when there’s not anything super wrong with a dog, ya know? Like am I just slightly inconvenienced by her, so I wanna get rid of her?! Is she just going through a rough patch? She’s a spoiled little thing with an attitude, so maybe she’s just acting out for a while and will stop soon? But yeah, this sucks.

And the other day Saul told me he’s thinking of moving out of state. He’s the only artist I requested be at my shop when we opened it, he’s done A LOT of my tattoos, and he’s always given me REALLY great advice for the shop – every piece of advice he’s given was right. He’s been in the business for 25+ years, so he knows what he’s talking about, and he’s the one that encouraged us to stop using managers because “you guys can do this on your own and better than they can!” Also I’m really close to him and I’m going to miss him a lot.

I’ve also been doing this thing for a few months now where I’m trying to “fix” my lack of empathy (I’ve got some compassion, but empathy never worked for me). I’m using a technique I kinda cobbled together from various papers on psychology and serial killers and psychopaths and sociopaths. I’ve written a long post about it and mentioned the post it to @buckybee because it’s interesting, but I’ve been hesitant to post it because… well, it makes me sound like a monster. But what’s new, eh? There’s plenty of things I see every day that point out how not!human I am.

Anyway, the results of this new technique I’m using means I’m either faking empathy enough to think it’s real or I’m actually developing empathy, and it fucking sucks and I wish I hadn’t done it because HOLY FUCK THIS HURTS! I dunno how you people stand it. And now that I’ve done it, I can’t seem to make it stop! Do you have any idea what it’s like developing empathy after never having it before?!

So yeah I guess I’ve got some reasons to be depressed. But there’s good stuff too. New guy at the shop is working out great and he’s a really good artist. My mom’s seizures are doing AWESOME with the second med they added a few weeks ago. The shop is doing great! I’m getting things organized at home and at the shop like never before. Lots of cool stuff.

But I just want to faceplant on my bed and stare at the wall. And I’m hiding 😛