i had such a bad anxiety attack today i put my body into shock

Oops.

Haven’t had one that bad in a while.

My reaction to stress is to shut down. Got that from my mom’s side of the family. Scares the shit outta docs because we get super cold and our blood pressure and heart rate drops, so if we’re in an accident, they can’t give us pain meds and we shake real bad.

Anyway, I shut down, but was able to drive myself home. Once I got home, I was sweating really bad, which I thought was odd because usually I’m cold with anxiety attacks. So I stripped down to just this light long T-shirt, sat down, and worked on chilling out.

Half an hour later I got SO cold that I couldn’t get warm. I put on sweat pants, a sweater, two pairs of socks, a hoodie, and I got under my warmest blanket and cocooned myself in front of the TV.

My mom came in, saw me, and thought I was coming down with the flu or something, but when I explained I’d had an anxiety attack she was like oh that explains it.

It took me 3 hours to start warming up, shivering the whole time.

Like I say, I haven’t had one that bad in a long time :

strange mental health issue #58!4d98r27

I really hate being away from the house when the day/night changeover happens because I get this anxious impending doom feeling and I have no idea why!

I love nighttime and actually love driving in the dark even more than the daylight. I’m not scared to be out at night whether alone or not. People aren’t waiting on me, no urgency, etc. It doesn’t happen if I get home before dark, then leave again after dark.
It doesn’t happen if I’m out for the night/day changeover.

But damn, when it’s dark by 5:30-7pm and I don’t close the shop and leave until at least 8pm in the fall and winter, I get anxiety that can sometimes flip over into a full blown anxiety attack.

No idea why this happens, but there ya go! Mental issues YAY!!

My mom was having a fairly good night so we went grocery shopping together instead of me going by myself. We like going at night because there’s less people.

Anyway we just get in the front door and I start having this wicked panic attack (first bad one I’ve had in quite a while). Tunnel vision, I can’t hear anything, I’m dizzy, skin numb, heart racing. So I turn to my mom to give her the “I’m going out to the van to freak the fuck out” gesture and she’s standing there having a seizure.

That pulls me out of the panic attack enough that I was able to get us to a bench near the front door and we each chewed on Ativans and huddled together for about 20 minutes. We both recovered enough to get to the van and I got us home. We live a block away from the grocery store.

We both tensed up so much when we each had our episodes that now we’ve got stiff necks and shoulders. I did something to my left knee, and I have no clue what, but it hurts.

All in all, not so much a successful grocery run. Cool thing is that she’s already recovering to the point where she’s got her balance back and her speech isn’t slurred. I think the new dose of seizure med is helping. I’m hopeful we’re heading in the right direction with the meds!