At the time I was with him I didn’t realize I was aromantic, which is silly because my family saw it even when I was REALLY little. The more romantic he got, the more I just hated it, and I realized it was what I didn’t like about rom-com movies and being with someone.
And I realized that’s why pretty much every relationship I’ve had has fallen apart with this heavy air of me not being enough for them. Hence my breakup song that I play over and over every time is Tonic’s You Wanted More.
I have yet to find someone who can put up with a lack of romance. It’s not even that I won’t do SOME romantic things for my partner, but having them done to me just… I don’t want it. You’d think people would like not working so hard to do stuff for/with me 😀
I hear women complaining all the time that all they find is men who want to fuck, then roll over and fall asleep. I STILL HAVEN’T FOUND ONE OF THOSE MEN and the few women I found that were like that – our personalities didn’t mesh well enough to continue a relationship. It’s like YES please give me the “asshole” guy/girl who smacks you on the ass after sex (with no foreplay) and is snoring before they hit the pillow.
I am okay with romance in fiction and movies, I just don’t like it anywhere near me in real life. Even like, a nice dinner out with a romantic undertone makes me uncomfortable. I only like kissing before or during sex (barely even then) and really only like touching during sex and it’s a huge problem to find someone who is willing to go along with all that. The guy that’s bothering me now, I thought he was perfect omg. He was a Dom in the bedroom and gave me all the rough sex I wanted, no romance, no wine and dine. After sex I would either chill on my phone on the other side of the bed or sleep in another bed, sometimes we geeked out and had discussions (he liked Supernatural too and it felt like heaven haha) He seemed super duper cool about all this and I was like, hell yes I’ve finally found someone I can be myself with.
Aaannnndddd then one day I showed up and he had made me dinner and went on about how I just never had someone who treated me right and he was going to show me how it’s supposed to be and I got the hell out of dodge. It was really disappointing haha. I don’t know how many times I’ve had a guy call me a cold bitch. It’s why I’ve searched out a lot of D/s relationships because a lot of the times they’re very sexual and romance with a strong sexual base doesn’t squick me out as much.
I’ve tried faking romance, faking a relationship, and it’s just so tiring. And I’m a really good pretender so when I would get fed up and finally reveal that I have zero feelings for these guys (other than friendship in some cases) they would either weep (which was awkward) or call me some choice names. So if I could find a guy like that, the “asshole” guy, I would be one lucky chick. But idk I think most people, at least long term, want something romantic. So I’m doomed haha
So much the same! Wow, it’s like you were writing stuff out of my past relationships. Even ones that went well for a while, they pulled that “you’ve just never had anybody give you REAL romance.” It’s like yes, I have, and I know I don’t like it.
I don’t like a whole lot of kissing either. I don’t want flowers. I don’t want candy. I don’t want you to call me 50 times a day to ask how I’m doing and tell me you love me.
I want a best friend with LOTS of sex. I would think more people would be into that because there’s not a lot of worry or trouble on their end, and I’m a very cheap date – I’ll also skip the dating if they’re up for that. I’m like the opposite of high maintenance!
Even people who have told me “I’m not real romantic” end up craving it and doing things and wanting things out of me. I’m not secretive about what I am. They’re not going into it blindly. I just don’t get it.
If I could have a roommate who liked a lot of the things I do, but still had a life of their own, we slept in separate beds, and had lots of kinky sex and BDSM sessions, I’d be… well, that would be AMAZING.
Okay wait let me clarify because that last part I sound like an asshole. I didn’t realize I was probably aromantic until fairly recently and I didn’t realize I was pretending or faking at the time, I was just trying to be what they wanted me to be and it was like… tearing my insides apart lol. So I would be like, I can’t take this anymore and spring all my pent up “I just don’t feel that way about you thoughts” and then I was left feeling like a jerk
So when I finally figured out I’m not like most people who do crave the romance, I started telling the people I was interested in, describing the disconnect and (almost) disgust I have for things of a romantic nature and someone was like, so you’re aromantic? I had never even heard of that but I looked it up and I was like, huh maybe they’re on to something.
The thing that confuses me is that I still like romance. Like I love watching The Princess Bride and reading cute fanfictions and all that and even in real life my dad will get my mom something nice like flowers and I’m like, awww that’s so cute! And then applied to me, it just… Disgusts me, is the best way I have to describe it. Like I like romance, just not applied toward or from me, I guess. I have no desire for it, and my stomach hurts when someone tries it on me lol.
Literally everything you just described would be perfect. And I’m still a little upset that it didn’t work out with that guy. He just moved a state away though, so it wouldn’t have lasted anyway I guess. Doesn’t stop him from blowing up my phone. He wants to fly me to his city, which I’m actually considering just for the great sex. I would have to lie down some boundaries. Probably stay in a separate hotel or something. Idk we’ll see haha
You would think guys GUYS would freaking love the situation! Like you don’t have to worry about impressing me on Valentine’s Day! I’d rather you DIDN’T get me a birthday present. Forget about anniversaries cause I couldn’t care less! Just like, give me sex and don’t be a door nail and we’re good lol.
Ugh, yes. I feel the same way about reading romance, seeing it on TV/movies, and watching those around me who are romantically in love. I have this big thing for soulmate AUs and most of what I read involves romance – but I want it for them, not me.
My parents and other couples, when they are all cute with each other or one makes a romantic gesture toward the other, I get this “AWWWW” thing inside me, but it’s different. It’s like “I’m so happy they care for each other and love each other, and this outward thing is overflowing some of that love.” It’s not a jealousy or what I even want someone to do to show me they love me.
I don’t like rom-coms because they shove the cute down your throat, but romance in movies and TV that doesn’t make me gag? Yeah, I’m totally down for watching that! My favorite movie of all time is All Over the Guy, and it’s a gay rom-com!
As I was growing up I always thought I’d be a really awesome girlfriend because I’m so low maintenance, and it wasn’t until I was in my late teens/early 20s and couldn’t seem to be what anybody wanted that I realized people actually DO want high maintenance even though they say they don’t, and everyone thought I didn’t give a shit because I wasn’t pestering them for more romance.
I also tend to be attracted to people who are dark and twisted, have a sarcastic sense of humor, and who have issues, and those people tend to be dramatic and emotional and very romantic. So that sucks.
So right now I just kinda stick to hookups and playmates for BDSM, not letting on that it could be anything more, so they never expect more. They still do, but… at least I’m not leading them on. I dunno.