So my aunt has been here for weeks using my bathroom and sleeping on my couch. And she’s a pretty gross person, I knew this, and I’m trying not to think about it.
I go in and wipe things down in the bathroom (I do even when it’s just me using it because wiping up every day means less work when you do big cleaning and keeps it nice in between), clean up icky things without asking what they are, and just… ugh. I keep finding the toilet seat and the bath mat wet after she’s been in there, but I assumed she was doing that shake your hands off like a dog after washing them thing that she and my dad do.
I asked my mom about it today and she asked my aunt. Mom just informed me that my aunt has been “cleaning” the seat off with the TOILET BRUSH after she uses the toilet every time.
USING THE TOILET BRUSH
ON THE SEAT
TO CLEAN IT
THE SAME SEAT THAT I SIT MY ASS ON
I’m so fucking grossed out. I mean… I’m the type of anal clean freak who cleans the toilet brush every time she does a regular cleaning of the bathroom, so it’s not nearly as gross as the average toilet brush, but still!!!
And it’s all over my rug.
I’m sick to my stomach.
Okay, so the story above is incomplete, and I hesitated telling the whole story because it’s TMI, but seriously I think some of you follow me JUST FOR the TMI. So you’re welcome.
And anyone who doesn’t follow me for the TMI, turn back now 😉
This story started day before yesterday (Wednesday) when I had a stomach bug. I was sick all day with cramping and I ran to the bathroom at the shop more times than I can count. Mom was with me that day so she was able to take care of customers while I was indisposed.
I get home that night and I’m still not feeling well. We eat some dinner, and of course that makes it worse. I was sitting in my office at the desk when I heard my aunt go into the bathroom and I was like damn it she takes forever, what if I need to go?!
Five minutes go by and things start rumbling. Ten minutes and it’s getting worse. Fifteen minutes go by and I’m getting desperate, so I get up and knock on the door. No answer. I knock harder. No answer. FYI my aunt is super stubborn and kind of an asshole, so if she doesn’t wanna answer you, she just won’t.
The two other toilets in the house are out of commission – mom’s because of the bathroom redo and my dad’s/the guest bathroom because, as disgusting as my aunt is, my dad is even worse. We all clean our own bathrooms, which means his bathroom has been cleaned maybe twice in the last year and he was recently sick and shit himself and the bathroom and didn’t clean it up. Yeah, we’re locked in a family fight over that one.
Anyway, I’m standing in my hallway really hoping she’ll be done soon, but it’s now 20 minutes after she first went into the bathroom. I’m getting super desperate, so I sit back down at my desk and try to distract myself.
At 22 minutes I… very suddenly lost the battle. Yup. Haven’t done that in years, and if I would’ve known it was going to be like that, I would’ve driven myself to my uncle’s house down the street, but there was no warning.
I shit my pants.
So now I’m standing in my hallway freaking out because I’ve shit my pants and my stupid aunt is still in the bathroom. I texted my mom to complain and I just hear laughter from the family room. And yeah, I started laughing too because how completely ridiculous is this?!
Finally my mom comes into the hallway, still laughing so hard she has tears running down her face, and she knocks on the door. Yup, my aunt had fallen asleep, but when she wakes up she still wants to finish taking her shit, so I’m like okay whatever, I’ve already shit my pants, why not stand here longer with shit pants.
My mom can’t stop laughing and she’s leaning against the wall. Finally my aunt comes out, doesn’t look at either of us, doesn’t give one fuck that both of us are standing in the hallway laughing, and just walks away.
I go into the bathroom and find the toilet seat and bath mat wet, so I’m like WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE DO?!! Whatever, I can’t think about it now, so I take a shower and change my clothes.
I asked my mom about the whole wet toilet seat/bath mat and she talked to my aunt while I was at the shop yesterday. She finally told me last night, which is when I made this original post.
So if I hadn’t shit my pants, I probably never would’ve known my aunt was using the toilet brush to “clean” the toilet seat.
Does anyone wanna trade families with me?