I never thought I’d be typing these words, but my father is currently delivering carpet to a 20-year-old desert tortoise.
Yup, you read that right.
The woman who owns him called my dad because she knows he installs flooring for a living, and she was hoping he had old carpet for free that she could put outside for her tortoise, who loves sleeping on it and rubbing his face on it. His carpet is old and needs replacing.
My dad’s response probably wasn’t what she was expecting.
“NO I’M NOT GIVING YOUR TORTOISE OLD SHIT/PEE-STAINED CARPET!! He’s getting brand new, high-quality carpet left over from a high-dollar job, and I’ll be there tomorrow to install it for him.”