theshittyfoodblog: Pb&j with cap’n crunch and cinnamon frosted flakes. Follow the ShittyFoodBlog for more!
On my way home from work I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. It was very busy at 3:45 because lots of moms had just picked up their kids and the store was full of families. Walking down the cereal aisle, something caught my eye, but it didn’t register until I was already several feet away, and I stopped dead in my tracks.
No. It cOULDN’T be. They wouldn’t do that to us! It’s dIABOLICAL and anyone in their right mind would’ve shot the idea down before those adorable little girls could even finish telling adults the idea that would allow them to take over the world.
I took a few steps back and peered at the box. I looked around to make sure there were no hidden TV cameras and stupid idiots waiting to jump out and say HAHA YOU FELL FOR OUR PRANK OF THE WEEK!
I stood in the middle of the aisle, staring at the boxes for a moment, sure I was hallucinating, but it was real.
Thin Mint Cereal.
Thin mints. In cereal form.
In family size.
Needless to say, I had to have them, but I was sensible and only took one box. Any more than one box in my house would surely mean disaster, so one box went into my cart.
As I picked up the rest of my groceries, barely able to wait until I could get home and have a thin mint cereal dinner, people walking down the aisles would look down and see the box proudly displayed at the top of my cart, and several of them asked where I got it (because it couldn’t possibly be as easy to get Thin Mints Cereal as simply walking down to the cereal aisle). I told them it was, and they thanked me hastily before hurrying off to get their own box.
Several people saw my box of cereal and didn’t even bother to ask where I got it, they just took off in the direction of the cereal aisle. I left the box at the top of my cart, and I realized my mistake when I started to unload my cart at the cash registers.
“WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?! IS THAT REAL?!”
It was the woman behind me, and several people in other aisles peeked over the lines to see what this woman was so excited about.
I nodded. “It’s real. It’s in the cereal aisle.”
“THIN MINTS?! THIN?! MINTS?! CEREAL?!” she asked.
As I turned to say that yes, it was Thin Mints in cereal form, several people from other aisles exclaimed “THIN MINTS CEREAL?!!!”
And it was like something out of an over-the-top teen romantic comedy movie because everyone was talking about this wondrous thing and several mothers were telling their kids to stay in line and wait while running off for the cereal aisle to get their own box. Things like this only happen in movies and commercials, right?! No, I was watching it unfold before my very eyes.
For a terrible moment, I was worried someone would take my box of cereal, because someone piped up and said, “Well, if everybody’s running to get some, there’s not going to be any left by the time we get there.”
I grabbed my box and handed it directly to the woman behind the counter as other people gazed at the box with heart eyes. I gave the cashier my money and hurried out of the store, making it to my car without any further incident, and started home.
Once I got home, I started to worry that maybe it wasn’t as good as I was hoping, that maybe I was getting myself all excited over a mediocre knockoff with clever packaging.
So I made up a bowl and calmly sat down, ready for it to be so so.
Not only wasn’t I disappointed, but it was better than I originally thought it was going to be. It turns the milk a little chocolate-y, and the little ‘cookies’ are crunchy and minty and chocolate-y and…
Little girls should not be given this much power. They’re aiming to take over the world, and I think they just might do it. Not that I’m complaining. Everyone thus far has done a piss-poor job, and maybe we need an army of devious little girls running everything, because if they were able to pulls this ^ off, they can do anything.
masochist cap’n crunch cereal aesthetic I’d never grokked aesthetic posts before I saw This One about cereal. I like cereal a little too much. After @haelblazer took a look at my Cereal Tag and saw my rant about Cap’n Crunch being totally delicious but very painful and that maybe they should be marketing it to …