I let the tech do his little spiel, telling me I needed to connect to their network and he’d fix my computer from their main office at Microsoft, then I asked, “So do I give you my credit card number now or later?”
“No, ma’am, I’m not a salesman. I don’t want your money.”
I said, “Oh, okay, then we’ll wait until later in the conversation for you to scam me.”
His reply? “I’M NOT A FUCKING SALESMAN, I DON’T WANT YOUR FUCKING CREDIT CARD NUMBER!!“
I was laughing too hard to know if he hung up on me or I hung up on him.
I got another one today!!
Which was awesome because I was doing something really tedious with my hands at the time (packing these strips of plastic takes forever and I gotta do it about one a month at the shop), and usually I’m painfully bored while I’m doing that.
This time I was able to keep them on the phone for 15 minutes! She said something like hackers were getting into my computer, so I said, “Oh no! What do I do?!” She said she was from Microsoft and here to help, so I was all “oh good, thank you!”
I was sitting on the couch and not in front of the computer, but everything she told me to do I could visualize in my head from years of fixing computers. I messed with her. Things like when she said “push on the key next to CTRL” and I’d say “the shift key?” “No,ma’am, the one next to that” “the one that has a Z on it?” “No ma’am.”
Finally she transfers me to her supervisor because she thinks we’re in the command prompt and I’ve just opened my computer up to anybody who cares to fuck me and I’m about to connect to their servers.
The supervisor gets on, tells me more stuff to do, and I say I’m doing it, but of course it’s not doing what he wants it to do on his end, so he’s trying to get me to do it again. Finally I was done with the tedious thing I was doing, so I say, “Hey, do you know Bill Gates? Can I talk to him?”
“Uhm, you want to talk to Bill Gates, ma’am?”
“Uhm, okay, hold on a moment.”
They put another guy on who has an accent just as thick as the other guy and the woman. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Are you Bill Gates?”
“Yes ma’am, now…” and he starts telling me what to do on my computer again.
“Is this REALLY Bill Gates?” I ask.
*sigh* “Hold on a moment, ma’am, let me transfer you.”
The original chick comes back on and tells me what to do on the computer.
“Wait, the other guy said I could talk to Bill Gates? I wanna talk to Bill Gates!”
“The other guy was gonna let me talk to Bill Gates!”
“Ma’am, why are you joking with me? This is serious!”
I replied in a rather loud and sarcastic tone of voice, “BECAUSE IT’S FUUUUUN!”
I was laughing too hard to hear when they hung up.