I just got a call from “Microsoft” saying my computer might be infected! Oh noes!

mayalaen:

I let the tech do his little spiel, telling me I needed to connect to their network and he’d fix my computer from their main office at Microsoft, then I asked, “So do I give you my credit card number now or later?”

“No, ma’am, I’m not a salesman.  I don’t want your money.”

I said, “Oh, okay, then we’ll wait until later in the conversation for you to scam me.”

His reply?  “I’M NOT A FUCKING SALESMAN, I DON’T WANT YOUR FUCKING CREDIT CARD NUMBER!!“

I was laughing too hard to know if he hung up on me or I hung up on him.

I got another one today!!

Which was awesome because I was doing something really tedious with my hands at the time (packing these strips of plastic takes forever and I gotta do it about one a month at the shop), and usually I’m painfully bored while I’m doing that.

This time I was able to keep them on the phone for 15 minutes! She said something like hackers were getting into my computer, so I said, “Oh no! What do I do?!” She said she was from Microsoft and here to help, so I was all “oh good, thank you!”

I was sitting on the couch and not in front of the computer, but everything she told me to do I could visualize in my head from years of fixing computers. I messed with her. Things like when she said “push on the key next to CTRL” and I’d say “the shift key?” “No,ma’am, the one next to that” “the one that has a Z on it?” “No ma’am.”

Finally she transfers me to her supervisor because she thinks we’re in the command prompt and I’ve just opened my computer up to anybody who cares to fuck me and I’m about to connect to their servers.

The supervisor gets on, tells me more stuff to do, and I say I’m doing it, but of course it’s not doing what he wants it to do on his end, so he’s trying to get me to do it again. Finally I was done with the tedious thing I was doing, so I say, “Hey, do you know Bill Gates? Can I talk to him?”

“Uhm, you want to talk to Bill Gates, ma’am?”

“Yeah!”

“Uhm, okay, hold on a moment.”

They put another guy on who has an accent just as thick as the other guy and the woman. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Are you Bill Gates?”

“Yes ma’am, now…” and he starts telling me what to do on my computer again.

“Is this REALLY Bill Gates?” I ask.

*sigh* “Hold on a moment, ma’am, let me transfer you.”

The original chick comes back on and tells me what to do on the computer.

“Wait, the other guy said I could talk to Bill Gates? I wanna talk to Bill Gates!”

“Excuse me?”

“The other guy was gonna let me talk to Bill Gates!”

“Ma’am, why are you joking with me? This is serious!”

I replied in a rather loud and sarcastic tone of voice, “BECAUSE IT’S FUUUUUN!”

I was laughing too hard to hear when they hung up.

majesticduxk:

mayalaen:

majesticduxk
reblogged your post and added:

The good news is I am on my computer right now….

Ugh, yeah, I know the feeling. Over the last three computers I’ve owned, I had the motherboard conk out, the hard drive conk out, and in this current one the video card  is freaking out but not dead yet.

You use the computer on the edge of your seat waiting for the next click or noise or whatever before your computer just goes pluhhhhh.

The video card in this one is loud anyway, so maybe it’s a good thing it’s dying and I can swap it out with another one.

I have spilt things on three computers.

The first one, it was a glass of apple, carrot and beetroot juice. It was like it was bleeding.

that one never worked again.

Hahaha! I like that the one that didn’t work ever again was the one that looked like it was bleeding! You hurt your computer, Duck! Wounded it! 😀

majesticduxk
reblogged your post and added:

The good news is I am on my computer right now….

Ugh, yeah, I know the feeling. Over the last three computers I’ve owned, I had the motherboard conk out, the hard drive conk out, and in this current one the video card  is freaking out but not dead yet.

You use the computer on the edge of your seat waiting for the next click or noise or whatever before your computer just goes pluhhhhh.

The video card in this one is loud anyway, so maybe it’s a good thing it’s dying and I can swap it out with another one.

clientsfromhell:

I recently had a web design
client who would not sign off on any design until they saw it completely
developed out. We tried to explain to them that it would appear exactly as it
would in the flats, and that we would have to charge them for extra development
time, but they insisted.

We then found out that the reason
they needed it completely developed before signing off on a design was because
one of the older executives didn’t know how to open a JPG or PDF, and if he did
manage to open it and it didn’t naturally open at actual size he assumed that
was what the website was going to look like. In other words, he was angry that
it was either so small or so giant when the PDF or JPG opened at a different
zoom level.

Despite numerous meetings and
displaying things on our own monitors and projectors, his mind was set. In the
end he agreed to pay thousands more dollars in development time to fully create
multiple designs before signing off on one of them.