Ok I need to vent a bit and want to start a bit of a discussion. DOES ANYONE ELSE WHOSE DISABLED FEEL LIKE THIS?? I swear I’m pushing 30 and DO NOT FEEL LIKE AN ADULT AT ALL. I don’t mean that I feel ‘young at heart’ (I do but this feeling isn’t the same.) Maybe it comes from having to deal with an over-coddling family but they do NOT treat me like I’m an adult. I swear it seems like they’re PETRIFIED to let me do ANYTHING and it’s fucking annoying. I go through paranoia with them of feeling like I’ll be scolded like a fucking child for doing anything that might upset them and I fucking can’t stand it anymore. I wish I lived on my own, I want my OWN life but I feel stuck with my family who seems to refuse to let me grow and change the way I need to. I sometimes feel as if I’ll have to be taken care of the rest of my life. =(
Please if anyone feels this way or has similar issues with their family PLEASE let me know! I need some feedback here!
I’m sorry you’re having difficulties with this.
My disabilities are mental (schizophrenia), not physical, and so I’m not going to say I know what you’re going through, but I’ve been through the child-to-adult thing surrounded by family members who felt the need to take care of me even after turning 18 because of the mental issues.
It’s hard for family members to transition from caring for a child to assisting an adult. I moved out and got my own house, was on my own for 8-9 years before we decided to sell our houses and move into a bigger/nicer house together.
Once we were in the new house, we had to relearn how to deal with each other, because it had to change from a child/parent to a friend/roommate situation while still allowing for their assistance with my mental issues.
It took a lot of talking on the part of EVERYONE. All of us were willing to compromise and also respect each other. We had to tell each other how we felt about everything and what we wanted out of life and what we’d like out of each other. It’s a daily struggle, and we still do the wrong thing and there are hurt feelings and awkward situations, but for the most part I think we do okay.
There are social workers out there who can assist with transitioning, and if you talk with your family about everything and it still doesn’t get worked out, you might want to think about having a counselor or social worker get involved, just to help.
I’d also like to mention the whole never-feeling-like-a-grownup factor. Please don’t forget this is a normal thing. My grandfather, who died at 87, reminded us until the very end that he never did feel like an adult. “Adult” is something we see in movies and TV shows and we think it’s this *thing* that happens, and it’s not. We’re all just doing our best. I’m 37, own a home, a van, a tattoo and tattoo supply shop that I’ve run for years now, and I *still* don’t feel like an adult. I keep wondering when people will realize a kid is running a tattoo shop and owning a home.
if I ever feel like an adult, I’ll let you know 🙂
I hope you and your family can work it out and that you can feel that independence that you’re searching for.