shiphitsthefan:

shiphitsthefan:

shiphitsthefan:

why does this character want to give a lap dance i know literally nothing about lap dancing

fun fact: i just learned that i technically gave a lap dance to a guy at a party my freshman year of college and now everything hurts and i’m dying oh god

so @ailuromatron asked how the fuck this happened so here we go.

back during my freshman year of college, my favorite party song was usher’s “yeah!” i had a sort-of fuckbuddy my senior year of high school who frequently referred to me as “a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed” so…yeah. i loved that song.

anyway this is the only song my white ass could dance anything approaching sexily to. i’m ridiculous levels of flexible at almost nineteen. i’ve got ten years of unsexy dance under my belt; my balance is decent. i can drop it. i am good at dropping it. and i was in a production of lysistrata at sixteen so my hands know their way around my body.

there’s a halloween dance my freshman year of college, and i invited my crush/friend to go with me. “yeah!” comes on. i get my dance on in front of him–i mean right in front of him–and he’s really quiet after and says, “you’re a good dancer.”

did you know that one does not have to be in a lap to be considered as performing a lap dance? it’s mostly a proximity thing. because i found that out researching “today 4 u” and my looking backward embarrassment is through the fucking roof.

best part? the more i think about it, the more i realize that it isn’t the only accidental lap dance i’ve given. i’m great at lap dancing on accident, apparently, but refusing to give one when asked for. y’know, with the person sitting down. which you would think is the only kind of lap dance.

but that’s how it happened.