i haven’t read a fic in so long

I just checked my bookmarks (where I log whether I’ve read something or not), and the last thing I read was @samanddeaninpanties‘ 2k and 4k fics back in AUGUST OF THIS YEAR! (okay so I read a couple chapters of her ongoing series Compliance too but I’m talking start-to-finish reading a fic)


August 9th to be exact.

I used to read at least 1 novel/novel-length fic a week. One of the longest fics I’ve ever read (Repossession by Lazulikat) was 700k words and I read it in 9 days while I was also working 8 hours a day at a job where I did a lot of reading.

I’m having fic withdrawal 🙁


I’ll be working on a larger post later but for the time being I really need to get some of my thoughts and feelings out.

Fandom is eating itself. We’re so desperate to try to control each other, either because of things we don’t like or things we’re worried about that we’re attacking our own and making fandom a very scary place. I’ve lived too much of my life on fear of what other people would do or say b/c I had a bad opinion or wanted a “wrong” thing and I’ll be damned if I do it here. It needs to stop.

Areas of fandom have been toxic for as long as I’ve been in fandoms, which is since 2002-2003. I’ve got several friends who have been in fandoms for decades and even some who were around for Star Trek TOS when fanfiction first became a thing, and even back then there were toxic people.

The sad part is that social media is making it easier for the toxic people to have a voice and, with all the time they apparently have on their hands because otherwise they must have no life, plenty of time to harass anyone they feel like harassing, including the actors themselves.

It’s upsetting, and it’s something that I think needs to change from within. I think people need to stop allowing it or even acknowledging those who have anything to do with it because the bullies like to have voices and know they have an effect on people. Younger fans don’t have the courage or the experience to handle it well. I know I didn’t for the first few years I was in fandom, and it stopped me from writing for years. In the last 4-5 years I’ve stopped acknowledging them and I rarely get hate or awful people because they don’t get anything out of me.

I wish fandom as a whole could just completely ignore the toxic people and deny them a platform or voice, but I know a lot of people can’t or won’t. I don’t really see another alternative, so until then I just block/unfollow anybody who even sort of leans that way and stick to people who are awesome.

There’s a lot of awesome people out there, they’re just not as loud as the awful people at the moment, so it’s harder to find them, and it seems the toxic ones are overtaking things, but they’re not. At least not now or in the past 🙂




Every time I read something talking about how “CBT is excellent for fighting depression” I’m just like “bold theory but I’m willing to give it a try.” 

Yeah okay but is your husband tho? :-p

Okay but y’all DO NOT EVEN KNOW cause I am LEGIT A THERAPIST and can you imagine the facial control it took for me not to embarrass myself horribly the first day we discussed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in class???

You sort of get immune to it eventually but right out of the gate I was having this moment like “don’t look around because if you spot anyone else who is also clearly struggling to keep their face under control and not cackle you’re forever gonna have to look at one of your classmates and know that THEY know what the *other* CBT is.

I worked for a urologist for years, and I can’t tell you the amount of times I had a freak out moment when they talked about using the urethral sounds on people.

I never worked for a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I did work for a child behavioral therapist, and lemme tell ya. When she would talk about CBT for kids?!! Yeah. Threw me every time.

You’d think I would’ve gotten used to it, but nope.


Sometimes fandom discourse is great because it shows people’s true colours and I get to go unfollow a bunch of blogs.

Like listen here buddy old pal. To quote the wise and powerful Trooper “I’m here for a good time, not a long time. So have a good time, the sun don’t shine every day.”

It sure makes for a great dash when you weed out the assholes.

I usually go on an unfollow spree whenever one of the SPN guys does something human IRL. People can’t handle them being human and fucking up, and I don’t care to have that shit on my dash.

I find that the people who are the worst offenders with “THAT PERSON SHOULD BURN FOR THAT AWFUL THING!!” are actually doing awful shit themselves, and I don’t want that on my dash.

I’m in fandom to escape awful real life shit and pettiness.

A clean dash is a beautiful thing 🙂