hi i’m here to whine a bit

So if your SO had a debilitating seizure disorder that takes her down for about 8 days if she doesn’t get the right medication within minutes, and yet someone gave you a detailed list AND verbal instructions about three little medications to give her that would make turn that 8 days into only 2 maybe 3 days, would you fucking pay attention? Maybe even copy the list and put it in your purse/wallet/bag?!

Or would you do what my father continues to do: not pay attention at all, bugging her to go out to dinner (when she doesn’t really like eating out) to a restaurant she’s had seizures at before (she has seizures after being exposed to “blue” light and this restaurant has them so if we go I have her wear sunglasses and that keeps it from happening) and doesn’t tell her to wear the sunglasses and then as she pulls out the bag *I* made for her that has all three items in it for emergencies, he doesn’t even pay attention to what she’s taking, so she only took two of the three things.

Which I’ve told him specifically not to do. You can’t trust a person who has just had a seizure to think clearly, and she always thinks three medications is too much, so she’ll either take only one or two of them. But she needs all three to make her start going into recovery, and if the seizure is bad enough, she needs all three just to stop the seizure in the first place.

I try not to be overly critical of him. He’s an ass, but he’s always provided for us and supported us, and he says he cares about us, but damn it if he just doesn’t SHOW it. My mom and I have very strong personalities, and so does he, and he thinks I’m way too rough on him as it is, but damn I try not to jump on him for everything.

And it’s not a memory issue. The man knows every fucking car part that’s ever been made for a car including the SERIAL NUMBERS and how each part works in different conditions throughout the world. He cares about racing/cars, so he remembers all that shit. That’s just his hobby. You should hear how much he knows about his actual job! Historical statistics too!

But he can’t remember THREE ITEMS to make his wife stop seizing and cut her down time by FIVE TO SIX FUCKING DAYS!!

And this isn’t a new thing. I’ve been trying to get him to do this for like 6-8 months now, and about a month ago I gave him the list, thinking it would help. It didn‘t, so I made the emergency bag, thinking how he could he possibly fuck that up?!

What the fuck is left to do if a fucking list and an emergency bag with ONLY THREE ITEMS IN IT is too much?!

I asked him if she’d had all the medications and he said, “Oh uhm well yeah she took everything she’s supposed to – a white pill and some drops of some kind.” So he doesn’t even know WHAT she’s taking, which isn’t necessary if you can count to fucking THREE, but still.

  1. chew a white pill
  2. put a dropper full of CBD oil under the tongue
  3. eat half a gummy

Whew that’s a hard list! I don’t know how I’m able to do it every time she has a seizure, especially when NO ONE ELSE IN MY FAMILY IS ABLE TO DO IT.

love and puzzles

Cut for a rant about the above post because now I’m pissed and I just need to rant for a bit.

Okay, this just pissed me off.  And I’m using a screenshot, not to take credit from the OP, but because adding my thoughts at the end of their little mindfuck story would be rude.

Love is confusing and hard and frustrating enough. Cryptic shit like this isn’t fair. You think it’s cute and endearing and poetic and beautiful, but it’s not unless you find another person just like you. There are good people out there who AREN’T just like you.

If somebody said this to me, I’d be confused as hell and think somebody was mindfucking me, and then six months later when they said the next part I’d be hurt and pissed and confused as hell and I wouldn’t remember some cryptic piece of shit from SIX MONTHS earlier that I needed to piece together with the new bit like a puzzle.

If this is what being romantic is, I’m going to be single for the rest of my life because this just does not make sense to me and why would anybody fuck with anybody else’s head like this?

Love is hard enough. Life is hard enough. People are hard enough. Making it into more of a puzzle is just cruel and isn’t the right fit for everybody out there.

I’m sure there’s somebody out there who would love to carry around a notebook to write every little pearl of wisdom down that comes out of their partner’s mouth so they can put it in their spreadsheet at night and connect the dots, but I just want to fucking devote myself to somebody and love them and be there for them and try to make them as happy as they can be.

Why is that not enough?

Can’t Sleep

I hate it when I set the alarm on my phone, but (as usual) wake up before it goes off, and then I forget to shut the alarm off, so my phone happily tries to wake me up.

It kinda feels like the phone’s saying, “Haha! I would’ve let you sleep until just now had you not had trouble sleeping!”