i had such a bad anxiety attack today i put my body into shock

mayalaen:

Oops.

Haven’t had one that bad in a while.

My reaction to stress is to shut down. Got that from my mom’s side of the family. Scares the shit outta docs because we get super cold and our blood pressure and heart rate drops, so if we’re in an accident, they can’t give us pain meds and we shake real bad.

Anyway, I shut down, but was able to drive myself home. Once I got home, I was sweating really bad, which I thought was odd because usually I’m cold with anxiety attacks. So I stripped down to just this light long T-shirt, sat down, and worked on chilling out.

Half an hour later I got SO cold that I couldn’t get warm. I put on sweat pants, a sweater, two pairs of socks, a hoodie, and I got under my warmest blanket and cocooned myself in front of the TV.

My mom came in, saw me, and thought I was coming down with the flu or something, but when I explained I’d had an anxiety attack she was like oh that explains it.

It took me 3 hours to start warming up, shivering the whole time.

Like I say, I haven’t had one that bad in a long time :

Yesterday hit me a little harder than I thought. (Yes, I know I’m the dork who thought sending my body into shock was something I could just shake off)

I had a psych doc appointment this morning and Marissa covered the shop until I was done with the appointment. My psych doc stresses me out because she’s intense, so I was shaky again by the time I got to the shop.

Then I’m just sweating all day long. Like sweating so much Evan laughed at how red and wet my face was.

It wasn’t until 45 minutes before closing I realized Marissa had turned the heat up to 80 FUCKING DEGREES. But it wasn’t just today she did it.

Have you ever heard that thing about frogs? How if you put them in room temperature water, you can continue to turn up the heat slowly and they’ll literally sit there and let themselves be cooked? I’m a frog. If shit’s happening, I just ignore it and keep going, so I never thought to check the thermostats.

So for the last TWO WEEKS now I’ve been sweating like crazy all day at the shop (wondering how cold it needed to be outside for it to finally cool off inside) while the heater has been blasting at 80 degrees.

Don’t ask me why everyone at the shop whined when the air conditioner broke this summer and it got up to like 82 or something. Apparently when THEY want it to be 80 degrees, they’re fine with it while I foot the bill but heaven forbid it’s 82 degrees and they didn’t ask for it. And dorky me just figures I’m having hormone or anxiety issues and drenched in sweat all day.

So that pissed me off pretty bad and made me even more shaky. And with the whole anxiety attack yesterday, it kicked up my hallucinations, which are still worse than normal. It’s not bothering me. I just know that if I’m not careful, I’ll push myself into a flat out psychotic episode.

After I close the shop tomorrow, I’m going to take an extra large dose of gummies to see if I can fix my brain. I really don’t like taking gummies two days in a row because I’m wasted for 48 hours and I’ve got stuff to do, but I might have to in order to avoid a psychotic episode if the one night doesn’t do the trick (sometimes when I have an issue like extra stress or bad situations, one night isn’t enough).

Arg.

i had such a bad anxiety attack today i put my body into shock

Oops.

Haven’t had one that bad in a while.

My reaction to stress is to shut down. Got that from my mom’s side of the family. Scares the shit outta docs because we get super cold and our blood pressure and heart rate drops, so if we’re in an accident, they can’t give us pain meds and we shake real bad.

Anyway, I shut down, but was able to drive myself home. Once I got home, I was sweating really bad, which I thought was odd because usually I’m cold with anxiety attacks. So I stripped down to just this light long T-shirt, sat down, and worked on chilling out.

Half an hour later I got SO cold that I couldn’t get warm. I put on sweat pants, a sweater, two pairs of socks, a hoodie, and I got under my warmest blanket and cocooned myself in front of the TV.

My mom came in, saw me, and thought I was coming down with the flu or something, but when I explained I’d had an anxiety attack she was like oh that explains it.

It took me 3 hours to start warming up, shivering the whole time.

Like I say, I haven’t had one that bad in a long time :

What is Aromantic?

writergamermom:

“So I understand that aromantic means you do not experience romantic attraction. I guess I am unclear on what romantic attraction is. Like I have heard people say they are aromantic because they don’t like valentines day, hand holding or hallmark style cheesy romance. Okay, but that fits tons of people I know.

I also don’t get romantic coding. I went on three dates with a guy before I knew we were dating! People point out subtext and am like, I literately did that for my best friend last week.

Like what is the difference between a romantic person who is in a long term committed relationship and an aromantic person who is in a long term committed monogamous sexual relationship? I get that aromantic is a spectrum and that one answer is not that same for all, I am just trying to understand here. None of my family or friends have told me they are aromantic. TBH most of my understanding on the subject came from @soupernabturel‘s fantastic The Stag and the Hunters Son.

So I read this article on cosmo interviewing three people who identified as aromantic. They didn’t ask the questions I wanted to know like “Do you have strong relationships with people,” “Do you love your best friend,” etc. But the answers these people gave really confused my limited understanding of aromantic. (this is long so I put a cut in for those who want to keep scrolling)

Keep reading

I already commented that the quoted parts sound like sociopaths claiming to be aromantic, but I wanted to also explain how I feel with relationships.

cut for length

Basically I want a best friend who also wants to have sex with me. That is my ideal relationship.

I also think it might be cool to have a triad where one person is overly romantic so they can take care of the romantic needs of the third person, but all three of us really care about each other and enjoy being with each other.

I’ll perform a lot of romantic gestures if I’m in a relationship with someone who needs/wants it. I don’t want it returned, but when I’m in a relationship, I care about the person and their needs.

For instance, I don’t like snuggling and talking after sex. I want to roll over and sleep. But I’ve been with a few VERY romantic people, and I let them snuggle with me and talk and I try to engage with them as much as possible. I hate romantic dinners and walking hand-in-hand, but if my partner wants it, I’ll do it for them.

The problem comes when people think they can handle a relationship where *I* don’t want that stuff returned.

There was a guy who knew full well I was aromantic, yet he insisted on writing love songs and singing them right to me. Romantic people would go nuts for that but I was extremely uncomfortable, and yet I would’ve written and performed a song for him if that was something he really wanted.

I liken my personal feelings to that of a gray ace, because while they don’t have sexual attraction, some of them don’t mind the sex. I don’t want the romance, but I’ll do it to/for someone else because I care about them.

I’m terrible at subtext and romantic coding myself. Someone has to be REALLY blunt for me to get that they want me. I don’t identify with romantic songs or movies.

Having said all that, being aromantic doesn’t mean being a dick. I care about people. I care about their feelings. I’m not just using people. And I’m noticing a disturbing trend for people who are assholes or even flat out abusive to grab onto the aromantic label and use is as an excuse.

Also, aro is a personal thing. I’ve talked with many aros and we all have different views on things we like/don’t like, will do/won’t do, and how we define our aromanticism.

I didn’t realize I was aro until my early 30s, and the guy I was with at the time was totally smothering me with his over-the-top romantics. It was awful, and for him it was just how expressed his love. I stumbled upon an explanation of aromantics and knew I’d found what was causing problems in all my previous relationships.

Being aromantic makes being with romos hard. And a lot of guys, in particular, think they’re going to love being with an aro girl. A lot of sex, no strings, no romance? YES, they think! And then they get pissed when it doesn’t turn into more.

I’ve experienced that more times than I can count.

But I’m rambling, so I’ll stop now 🙂

*peeks out of a hole in the ground*

Just realized it has been six days since I posted something here. Yup, I was hiding again.

Some of you have messaged me or tagged me or replied to me, and I’ll get back to you 🙂

Nothing awful. I just was feeling down and interacting with people beyond a “you gotta interact with them in order to make your family money” seemed like too much.

Oh, and holy shit the dude I got the distributorship from last week? He wasn’t kidding when he said my customers would love his stuff. I’ve been wicked busy this week trying to keep up with it.

It’s a 2-hour round trip for most people to get to his place out in the middle of nowhere in an industrial area, so not a lot of people in the metropolitan area want to go out there and there are very few people in the city he’s located.

Yay for me, but damn it’s a lot people coming into my shop for his stuff (and a bunch of my current customers super happy and switching to his stuff), and I only started carrying TWO of his products. He has a bunch more!

So yeah. Hi!!

chaotic good?

finds a can of spray paint on the sidewalk

uses it to spray paint a light pole

with a SMILEY FACE and not a dick or anything vulgar

goes and tells his teacher what he’s done

even though no one saw him and he totally got away with it

has a great time cleaning the light pole while telling his teacher about his day

-Andre (my cousin’s 11yo son)