Title: Hollandaise Sauce
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel – Destiel
Word Count: 1.7k
Rating: PG-13/Teen/Not Explicit
humor, prank wars, kissing, food kink, season 9, Men of Letters Bunker, human!Castiel
Original Post Date: September 12, 2014
Link: AO3

Fill for an Anonymous Prompt.
 Sam gets Castiel involved in his and Dean’s on going prank war,
convincing Castiel to tell Dean that he is in love with him. Sam is
positive Dean will freak out.

Tag List: @samanddeaninpanties​​ @pod7et​​ @wanderingcas​​ @buckybee

“That seems very cruel,” Castiel said with a frown.

Sam chuckled.  “Well, pranks are cruel, but if you’re doing them to each other, it’s fun and everybody deserves what they get!”

Cas’ frown deepened.  “I suppose.”

“It’s a human thing, Cas,” Sam said with a shrug.

looked at Sam, obviously a little more interested, though still
skeptical.  It was sort of manipulative to use the “it’s a human thing”
argument against Cas, but Sam really needed to get Dean back for that
last prank.  He still finding shaving cream in various places around his

“He won’t be hurt by this?” Cas asked, a concerned look on his face.

Sam snorted.  “I’m probably gonna be the one who gets hurt by this when he punches me.”

Cas nodded.  “Okay.  I’ll do it.”

“Yes!” Sam said with a big smile.


had cooked a really great dinner, and Cas had helped by setting the
table and making a salad.  Sam wasn’t making the meal as part of the
prank.  They all enjoyed the small amount of domesticity the bunker
allowed them, and Sam had learned he loved cooking.  He didn’t always
have time to do it, but it made the bunker feel like a home.

“Smells great!” Dean said as he walked into the kitchen.

“Thanks!” Sam said as he started dishing up the food.  “Have a seat.  It’s all ready.”

sat at the table, Dean to Cas’ right and Sam across from Cas.  Sam
loved trying new things out on Cas.  He hadn’t been human for long, but
each time he tried something new, it was interesting and fun to see if
it was something Cas liked.

Sam sat there grinning while Cas
picked up his stalk of asparagus instead of stabbing it with the fork.  
“Try it without the sauce first, see if you like it.  If it’s not one of
your favorites, the Hollandaise sauce might make it taste better to
you,” Sam suggested.

Cas sniffed it, then took a bite.  “It’s different, but I think I like it.”

“Cool!” Sam said.  “What do you think of the sauce?”

picked up another stalk of asparagus and pulled it through the sauce,
then pushed the whole thing into his mouth, chewing slowly.  A smile
grew on his face.  “I like the sauce!” he said with a mouthful of chewed

Dean chuckled as Sam rolled his eyes.  “You just gotta get used to it, man,” Dean said.

“Get used to what?” Cas asked, rolling another asparagus stalk in the Hollandaise sauce.

“Sam’s a big baby about talking with your mouth full of food,” Dean said with a mouthful of food.

Sam sighed.  “No class.  Either of you,” he said, shaking his head, then nudged Cas’ leg under the table.

looked up at Sam, the asparagus hanging halfway out of his mouth, and
Sam gave a slight nod toward Dean and winked.  Cas nodded and chewed his

Cas wiped his mouth, then turned his attention to Dean.  
“Dean, I have something I need to tell you,” he said, voice completely
serious and face showing no signs of anything but sincerity.

Dean washed his food down with a swig of beer.  “Okay,” he said with a nod.

feigned nonchalance, continuing to eat his dinner as Cas reached out
and took Dean’s left hand in his.  Sam nearly choked on his food, the
gesture intimate in a way Sam hadn’t expected from Cas.

“I… I’m in love with you,” Cas said softly.

fork stopped midway between his plate and his mouth, his jaw dropped,
and he mentally congratulated Cas on his awesome acting skills.

Dean’s eyes slowly widened.  “You do?” he breathed, as if someone had punched him in the gut.

when Sam started to feel a little bad about what he’d done.  Dean
looked blown away instead of pissed.  He knew Dean wasn’t homophobic, so
he wasn’t worried about Dean going off on Cas for being gay or
bisexual, but he hadn’t expected the soft tone of voice that had just
come from his brother.

Cas nodded.  “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now.”

Dean gave Cas a small smile.  “I’m glad you told me.”

Cas smiled back, his stiff posture loosening up a little now that Dean was smiling.

“I’ve been in love with you too,” Dean said, rubbing his thumb over the back of Cas’ hand.

dropped his fork, but neither Dean nor Cas paid any attention to him.  
He gripped the edge of the table hard and panicked in silence.  What had
he done?  His brother looked sincere.  Like, really sincere.  And Cas
couldn’t have realized what it would do to a human if this all turned
out to be a prank.

“I wanna kiss you,” Dean blurted.  “Can I kiss you, Cas?” he asked, vulnerability in his voice and his eyes.

wanted to scream.  He wanted a hole to swallow him up.  He wanted to go
back in time two minutes and stop this from ever happening.  How the
Hell had this been a good idea?

“Yes, Dean,” Cas said, then leaned toward Dean.

smiled as he leaned closer to Cas, then their lips met in a gentle
kiss, as if they weren’t sure of themselves, but they both really wanted
it.  Dean reached up and put his hands on either side of Cas’ face,
pulling him closer.

A squeak came from Sam’s open mouth as Dean
licked at Cas’ lips and then pushed his tongue inside Cas’ mouth.  Cas
moaned, eyes closing as Dean’s right hand cupped the back of his head,
then ran down Cas’ back, pulling him even closer.

Cas went
willingly, and as Dean scooted his chair back, Cas straddled Dean’s
thighs and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, grinding down against
Dean’s crotch.

It was at once the most sensual and most horrific
thing Sam had ever witnessed.  He’d just played a big part in stomping
on his brother’s heart.

Dean reached between them and started to
fumble with Cas’ jeans, which was what shook Sam from his very quiet
episode of freaking the fuck out.

“Oh, my god, stop!” Sam wailed
as he stood up, knocking his chair over backward in the process.  “It’s a
prank!  I made Cas prank you!”

But they didn’t stop.  Dean didn’t
scowl at him or jump up and start hitting him.  Instead the two seemed
to melt against each other, Dean pushing his face into Cas’ neck.  Just
as Sam was about to walk around the table and pry them apart, beg for
forgiveness, he heard a snort.

Dean was shaking, or rather his
shoulders were shaking, and another snort came out, magnified by the
fact that Dean’s face was pushed into Cas’ neck.  The snort was followed
up by what can only be described as a giggle.

Sam, beyond
confused, just stood there, arms out at his sides and his mouth opening
and closing.  It wasn’t until Dean turned to look at him that he started
to catch on, tears running down Dean’s cheeks as he laughed so hard he
couldn’t even talk.

Cas looked up at Sam, a shit-eating grin on his face.  “That was fun!  Now I see why the two of you enjoy this!”

sighed, running his hands over his face.  “Okay, you got me,” Sam said,
shaking his head.  “And just for future reference,” he said to Cas,
“you don’t tell the person you’re pranking about the prank.”

chuckled.  “You do when it means you can totally turn things around on
the original prankster,” he said with a grin, then looked up at Cas.  
“Your mouth tastes like Hollandaise,” he said, then licked into Cas’
mouth again, moaning.

Sam’s eyes widened and he sputtered for a few moments.  “Dude, the prank’s over.  You can stop trying to sell it.”

finished the kiss with a nibble to Cas’ lower lip, then grinned up at
Sam.  “You’re not nearly as observant as I give you credit for.”

“Huh?” Sam asked, a very confused look on his face.

“You think he just automatically knew how to kiss like that?” Dean asked with a smirk.

blinked at Dean a couple of times, everything falling into place in his
head.  Sam huffed out a laugh as he set his chair back on its feet and
flopped down onto it.

“Dean and I are very private,” Cas said.  “We don’t often display our affection in public.”

“You seriously didn’t notice that he’s sleeping in my room?” Dean asked.

shook his head, chuckling.  “I saw him come out of there a couple
mornings, but I just thought the two of you had been talking.”

“He’s not a big talker,” Dean said with a wink.  “Mostly he moans and whimpers and…”

“Okay,” Sam blurted, “I get it.  No need to go into detail.”

Dean chuckled.  “Well, I’m still hungry.  Are you still hungry, Cas?”

Cas frowned.  “My penis hurts,” he complained with a pout.

Sam was glad he hadn’t been drinking.  Instead of spitting water all over the table, he ended up letting out a bark of laughter.

“Do you want me to take care of it or can you finish your food first?” Dean asked.

chest tightened at the tone of Dean’s voice.  He really did care for
Cas.  He wasn’t joking or making light of the situation.  He also wasn’t
acting like an oversexed hound dog.

Cas continued pouting.  “It’s really hard,” he said softly.

know what?” Sam said as he stood up.  “I’m going to take my plate to my
room.  I’ve got some stuff to do on the laptop anyway.  You two have
fun,” he said with a smile.

“Grab the Hollandaise sauce,” Dean said to Cas.

dick twitched as he walked out of the kitchen, unable to help himself
as he imagined all the things they could do with the sauce.

Leave a Reply