mayalaen:

Oops.

Haven’t had one that bad in a while.

My reaction to stress is to shut down. Got that from my mom’s side of the family. Scares the shit outta docs because we get super cold and our blood pressure and heart rate drops, so if we’re in an accident, they can’t give us pain meds and we shake real bad.

Anyway, I shut down, but was able to drive myself home. Once I got home, I was sweating really bad, which I thought was odd because usually I’m cold with anxiety attacks. So I stripped down to just this light long T-shirt, sat down, and worked on chilling out.

Half an hour later I got SO cold that I couldn’t get warm. I put on sweat pants, a sweater, two pairs of socks, a hoodie, and I got under my warmest blanket and cocooned myself in front of the TV.

My mom came in, saw me, and thought I was coming down with the flu or something, but when I explained I’d had an anxiety attack she was like oh that explains it.

It took me 3 hours to start warming up, shivering the whole time.

Like I say, I haven’t had one that bad in a long time :

Yesterday hit me a little harder than I thought. (Yes, I know I’m the dork who thought sending my body into shock was something I could just shake off)

I had a psych doc appointment this morning and Marissa covered the shop until I was done with the appointment. My psych doc stresses me out because she’s intense, so I was shaky again by the time I got to the shop.

Then I’m just sweating all day long. Like sweating so much Evan laughed at how red and wet my face was.

It wasn’t until 45 minutes before closing I realized Marissa had turned the heat up to 80 FUCKING DEGREES. But it wasn’t just today she did it.

Have you ever heard that thing about frogs? How if you put them in room temperature water, you can continue to turn up the heat slowly and they’ll literally sit there and let themselves be cooked? I’m a frog. If shit’s happening, I just ignore it and keep going, so I never thought to check the thermostats.

So for the last TWO WEEKS now I’ve been sweating like crazy all day at the shop (wondering how cold it needed to be outside for it to finally cool off inside) while the heater has been blasting at 80 degrees.

Don’t ask me why everyone at the shop whined when the air conditioner broke this summer and it got up to like 82 or something. Apparently when THEY want it to be 80 degrees, they’re fine with it while I foot the bill but heaven forbid it’s 82 degrees and they didn’t ask for it. And dorky me just figures I’m having hormone or anxiety issues and drenched in sweat all day.

So that pissed me off pretty bad and made me even more shaky. And with the whole anxiety attack yesterday, it kicked up my hallucinations, which are still worse than normal. It’s not bothering me. I just know that if I’m not careful, I’ll push myself into a flat out psychotic episode.

After I close the shop tomorrow, I’m going to take an extra large dose of gummies to see if I can fix my brain. I really don’t like taking gummies two days in a row because I’m wasted for 48 hours and I’ve got stuff to do, but I might have to in order to avoid a psychotic episode if the one night doesn’t do the trick (sometimes when I have an issue like extra stress or bad situations, one night isn’t enough).

Arg.