i had such a bad anxiety attack today i put my body into shock

mayalaen:

Oops.

Haven’t had one that bad in a while.

My reaction to stress is to shut down. Got that from my mom’s side of the family. Scares the shit outta docs because we get super cold and our blood pressure and heart rate drops, so if we’re in an accident, they can’t give us pain meds and we shake real bad.

Anyway, I shut down, but was able to drive myself home. Once I got home, I was sweating really bad, which I thought was odd because usually I’m cold with anxiety attacks. So I stripped down to just this light long T-shirt, sat down, and worked on chilling out.

Half an hour later I got SO cold that I couldn’t get warm. I put on sweat pants, a sweater, two pairs of socks, a hoodie, and I got under my warmest blanket and cocooned myself in front of the TV.

My mom came in, saw me, and thought I was coming down with the flu or something, but when I explained I’d had an anxiety attack she was like oh that explains it.

It took me 3 hours to start warming up, shivering the whole time.

Like I say, I haven’t had one that bad in a long time :

Yesterday hit me a little harder than I thought. (Yes, I know I’m the dork who thought sending my body into shock was something I could just shake off)

I had a psych doc appointment this morning and Marissa covered the shop until I was done with the appointment. My psych doc stresses me out because she’s intense, so I was shaky again by the time I got to the shop.

Then I’m just sweating all day long. Like sweating so much Evan laughed at how red and wet my face was.

It wasn’t until 45 minutes before closing I realized Marissa had turned the heat up to 80 FUCKING DEGREES. But it wasn’t just today she did it.

Have you ever heard that thing about frogs? How if you put them in room temperature water, you can continue to turn up the heat slowly and they’ll literally sit there and let themselves be cooked? I’m a frog. If shit’s happening, I just ignore it and keep going, so I never thought to check the thermostats.

So for the last TWO WEEKS now I’ve been sweating like crazy all day at the shop (wondering how cold it needed to be outside for it to finally cool off inside) while the heater has been blasting at 80 degrees.

Don’t ask me why everyone at the shop whined when the air conditioner broke this summer and it got up to like 82 or something. Apparently when THEY want it to be 80 degrees, they’re fine with it while I foot the bill but heaven forbid it’s 82 degrees and they didn’t ask for it. And dorky me just figures I’m having hormone or anxiety issues and drenched in sweat all day.

So that pissed me off pretty bad and made me even more shaky. And with the whole anxiety attack yesterday, it kicked up my hallucinations, which are still worse than normal. It’s not bothering me. I just know that if I’m not careful, I’ll push myself into a flat out psychotic episode.

After I close the shop tomorrow, I’m going to take an extra large dose of gummies to see if I can fix my brain. I really don’t like taking gummies two days in a row because I’m wasted for 48 hours and I’ve got stuff to do, but I might have to in order to avoid a psychotic episode if the one night doesn’t do the trick (sometimes when I have an issue like extra stress or bad situations, one night isn’t enough).

Arg.

i had such a bad anxiety attack today i put my body into shock

Oops.

Haven’t had one that bad in a while.

My reaction to stress is to shut down. Got that from my mom’s side of the family. Scares the shit outta docs because we get super cold and our blood pressure and heart rate drops, so if we’re in an accident, they can’t give us pain meds and we shake real bad.

Anyway, I shut down, but was able to drive myself home. Once I got home, I was sweating really bad, which I thought was odd because usually I’m cold with anxiety attacks. So I stripped down to just this light long T-shirt, sat down, and worked on chilling out.

Half an hour later I got SO cold that I couldn’t get warm. I put on sweat pants, a sweater, two pairs of socks, a hoodie, and I got under my warmest blanket and cocooned myself in front of the TV.

My mom came in, saw me, and thought I was coming down with the flu or something, but when I explained I’d had an anxiety attack she was like oh that explains it.

It took me 3 hours to start warming up, shivering the whole time.

Like I say, I haven’t had one that bad in a long time :

15 questions 15 mutuals

I was tagged by the @rieraclaelin and @deaneatscake. Thank you <3

1. Are you named after anyone?
My first name is my dad’s mother’s name, my middle name is my mom’s mother’s name. Cool part is my mom always loved my first name anyway and it was just a happy coincidence that her mother-in-law had that name.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Last night. I don’t remember why, and it wasn’t like sobbing, but yeah.
3. Do you have kids?
Nope. Nada. None. NO WAY. Do not want.
4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
No! Never! 😛
5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Usually their eyes and very quickly I move onto the mouth. I have a thing for people’s mouths and also I use them to fill in the blanks for what my ears/brain don’t hear.
6.What’s your eye color?
Blue. Me and my mom’s dad are the only ones for the last four generations to have blue eyes. It’s the only thing I can thank that bastard for 😀
7. Scary movie or happy ending?
Scary movies!
8. Any special talents?
I’m really good at reading a person’s character and motives. I suck at reading emotions, but I can usually tell when someone’s a sneaky bastard, and because most people assume I’m not paying attention, I can usually get people to admit things to me in a roundabout way if I can get them talking with me 😀
9. Where were you born?
New York
10. What are your hobbies?
Reading, writing, watching TV, gaming.
11. Do you have any pets?
Not anymore.
12. What sports do you play/have you played?
I played basketball some when I was a kid, but only because I grew A LOT faster than all the other kids in grade school. I’m very uncoordinated, so I suck at all aspects of sports, and once everybody caught up with me height-wise, I didn’t have any advantage.
13. How tall are you?
5′ 8.5″ (174c)
14. Favorite subject in school?
Science
15. Dream job?
Writer. Preferably the creepy recluse kind that comes down from the cabin in the mountains once a month and everybody hides from me 😀

TAGGING: I’m not gonna tag anybody for this, but please consider yourself tagged if you see this and want to play. Also, please tag me so I can read your answers!

*peeks out of a hole in the ground*

Just realized it has been six days since I posted something here. Yup, I was hiding again.

Some of you have messaged me or tagged me or replied to me, and I’ll get back to you 🙂

Nothing awful. I just was feeling down and interacting with people beyond a “you gotta interact with them in order to make your family money” seemed like too much.

Oh, and holy shit the dude I got the distributorship from last week? He wasn’t kidding when he said my customers would love his stuff. I’ve been wicked busy this week trying to keep up with it.

It’s a 2-hour round trip for most people to get to his place out in the middle of nowhere in an industrial area, so not a lot of people in the metropolitan area want to go out there and there are very few people in the city he’s located.

Yay for me, but damn it’s a lot people coming into my shop for his stuff (and a bunch of my current customers super happy and switching to his stuff), and I only started carrying TWO of his products. He has a bunch more!

So yeah. Hi!!

I was doing one of those personality tests when it asked me to choose a crunchy leaf and instead of picturing the leaf crunching under my foot as I walked my dumbass brain said OOH this one looks the most tasty and that’s how I picked my leaf